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Family

Fencing

Thursday, May 22, 2014 by Tse Moana Leave a Comment

Yesterday our friend and former colleague Harm (from Groen & Grond Muntendam) came to build a privacy fence around the back yard. I had to work first, so I did that from home. After working my half day I went to get my T. shot and then proceeded to assist Harm. We finished the fence between us and the attached neighbours, and the outside of the fence separating us from the other neighbours. And since I’d done this, I figured why the hell not and tortured myself at the gym with a steep ten minute stationary bike ride and a 5 km rowing course.

Fence 1

Fence 2

Today was another day off for me which came in handy as Harm returned early in the morning to finish the job. We fairly quickly finished off the remaining fence and then built a door. We ended up having to hurry as Harm had places to be, but we got it done! Hurray! All it needs is a little slide lock on the door so we can keep it from being opened from the outside when we don’t want to. In the afternoon I joined the parents for Aunt Grietje’s birthday. She turned 85 🙂

In the evening, I watched Treasure Planet on Netflix, it’s a fun movie.

Fence 3

Door

Posted in: General, Photos Tagged: Birthday, DIY, Family, Friends, Garden, Home, Movies

Remembrance

Sunday, May 4, 2014 by Tse Moana Leave a Comment

Friday I worked from home again. This time I tried out the bedroom so I could watch more 7th Heaven in the background. I’ve made it to the seasons where I care less about the show because of all the added characters and less of the originals. And more repeats of themes. Not too weird considering many milestones are the same one kid after the other, but it does get old. Especially as the twins are kind of wooden and uninteresting. Ruthie and Simon were much more fun and alive at that age. Anyway, while that was fun for the background, the bedroom itself is not a handy work space, so that was once but never again 😀

When Nienke came home, she had brought Kim with her. So we had dinner together and then watched Frozen. I love Frozen <3

Yesterday was a busy, but good, day. Got a lot done while still feeling relaxed. Slept in, did some cleaning up, unpacked the dish washer. Then went for coffee at the Parents. I suggested we go to the cemetery to bring some flowers to grandma and grandpa. We’d been to the cemetery for my grandparents on Mom’s side recently, but it had been a while for the other side. And that grave gets a lot less visitors to begin with. They thought it was  good idea, so we decided to go later that day.

First, however, I went with Mom to the store to assist her in buying an Actifry and getting a mini vac for myself. Then I went home for lunch after which I repacked the dish washer and then went grocery shopping with Mom. After getting the groceries home, we went to the florist for a nice little bouquet to place at the grave.

Then the three of us went to Mensingeweer where we cleaned the head stone and placed the flowers. We walked around for a bit, where, as usual, my parents point out the various relatives and tell anecdotes about all these people I never met but am connected to, through time. I dig cemeteries.

The rest of the day I spent downloading, filing and archiving. Sorting out computer stuff can be so relaxing 🙂

Today was mainly more of the same. Slept in, watched a movie (Now You See Me, good film), downloaded and filed and archived some more, watched more 7th Heaven, did the administration and played iPad games. Good day 😀

 

Posted in: General Tagged: Family, Friends, Games, iOS Games, Kim, Memories, Mom, Movies, Nienke, Parents, Tech, TV, Work

Weekend

Sunday, April 27, 2014 by Tse Moana Leave a Comment

Glorious weekend! Today I do very little except watch some movies or TV, read some, maybe play some games.

Yesterday was King’s Day so I took a stroll over the customary flea market. My first in this town. It was much bigger than I was used to in my previous town, so many kids trying to hawk their wares. I scored some nice bargains. Found a really good condition Settlers of Catan for €7,50 and a Charmed season 7 DVD box for €10 and a Lego game and book about cats to cut up (pretty pictures) for two or so euros together.

In the afternoon I went to the Parents as my aunt and cousin were visiting and I don’t get to see them often. It was nice catching up 🙂

I spent the evening on the sofa cutting up the book and watching Tabletop on the new TV. I’d set it up the night before and, as it’s a smart TV, it can do all kinds of nifty internet things like YouTube, Netflix and Spotify. So I connected all my accounts and even made it so that I can look for a YT video on my iPad and then play it on the TV 😀

Also on Friday, Mom and I went to the birthday of my second-cousin. I don’t always get to go as they are kids, still, and celebrate on the day itself, in daytime. Which is often when I work. But this week I’d switched my free afternoons enabling me to go. I’d made pretty envelopes before we went to put the gift money in. Not just one for the current celebrant, but also for the two we missed earlier this year. The birthday was much fun.

Posted in: General Tagged: Birthday, Board Games, Family, Flea Market, Games, Shopping, Tech, TV

Long Weekend

Sunday, March 30, 2014 by Tse Moana Leave a Comment

Quiet start of the free Friday. Kim came by later in the morning for tea and book talk/borrowing. In the afternoon it was time for singing class. I’ve been growing frustrated with singing the last few months since I’m on T. I definitely notice vocal changes and it messes with my ability to sing in that I can’t reach what I could before and in the lows it doesn’t do what I want it to do yet.
I finally expressed (some) of this during class. We decided to focus more on excercises and easy stuff to ease the frustration and such. We’ll see how this goes.

Even so, I’m not sure I want to continue with this beyond this year. I like singing very much, and I learn a lot, but I’m just not that invested and I notice I’m loosing my desire to sing. I don’t sing as much freely anymore, and when I do work on stuff for class, I’m so focused on matching the timing and such rather than being in the song. I’ve always liked either singing along with the artist, or doing it by myself without music best anyway. I’m in it for the lyrics mainly 🙂

Saturday morning Mom and I went to Uithuizen for groceries and some other errands. Bought some decorative stuff at the Action and various tasty things. Then we went to the florist to get a piece for my aunt and uncle’s fiftieth anniversary. We’d been invited to the celebratory dinner that evening. I also bought a beautiful fake floral arrangement. Big blue vase with various forms of greenery in the top and some twigs.

march29At the end of the afternoon, the Parents came back to the house to pick me up and we drove to Assen to eat at Yankee Doodle. It was a very fun evening. I hadn’t seen most of my cousins in quite a few years, so it was really nice catching up with them and trying to figure out which kid went with which cousin since they were wee ones (or not even born) when I last saw them. The youngest of the kids nicely had everyone dancing to her tune as most everyone ended up being face painted. Don’t I make a pretty tiger?

Today I slept in and finished the little explosion book I’ve been making of Tessa. I wanted a photo book of her for myself too, ever since I made Mom and Dad the giant ass one I gave them for St. Christmas. But instead of doing another print on demand thing, I decided to make one and settled on the format of an explosion book. This is made from three squares of paper and ends up being this cleverly folded thing. There’s an excellent tutorial in my pinterest pins somewhere. Ah, here. Watched The Little Mermaid and The Emperor’s New Groove while working on it. The Emperor’s New Groove was funnier than I was expecting, good movie.

Posted in: General, Photos Tagged: Books, Crafting, Decoration, Family, Flowers, Food, Movies, Photos, Shopping, Singing, Transitioning

Packages

Sunday, January 5, 2014 by Tse Moana Leave a Comment

Managed to find pretty bags (and within my price range) online. Ordered them, and they arrived the next day! I was much pleased. Got a Samsonite black backpack for the laptop and a grey Eastpak messenger bag to use for work. Now the red undivided messenger bag can be used for the gym.

Yesterday Nienke and I also exchanged the last of our St. Christnicholasmas presents. I’d gotten her a tenth Doctor screwdriver (and myself one, too :D), a magazine about the tenth Doctor and what was supposed to be a cardboard cutout of the tenth Doctor. However, the shop accidentally sent a Weeping Angel.

She got me this absolutely gorgeous, and delightfully tiny, Pagan/witchy tarot deck. It’s quite modern in theme, witches with computers and such, and really geared towards guidance along one’s personal Pagan path? I love it and am very curious to see if we click.

This morning I slept in, and then tore down the second Christmas tree. Oh, and Nienke’s bike was brought by the previous owner. It’s a pretty thing.

In the afternoon I went with the Parents to Zandeweer for Uncle Louw’s birthday. Spent most of the afternoon clearing out his computer 😀 He has the unfortunate habit of clicking on things he shouldn’t. After clearing the malware, fortunately no viruses, I installed Adblock and told him to stop clicking on things he damn well knows are ads and stuff. He said he would watch out. I expect to be doing this again next year 😀

Posted in: General Tagged: Birthday, Family, Friends, Nienke, Paganism, Tech

Tessa [20/3/1999 – 28/8/2013]

Thursday, September 5, 2013 by Tse Moana Leave a Comment

I’d been harassing my parents for years to get a dog. And then Dad had his aorta surgery and he needed to walk more on orders from the doctor. So I saw my chance and renewed my pleas. And this time around, Mom and Dad seemed to be coming around.

I remember Dad at some point sitting on the sofa with the book of dog breeds and asking me what I thought of “one of these”. One of these, was a Stabyhoun. I read the blurb that came with it, and I liked it. Turns out that there was a Stabyhoun in the shelter that they were interested. Unfortunately for us (fortunately for the dog), his owner showed up to take the runaway home. But that was the moment it had been decided. It was going to be a Stabyhoun.

I think they found Tessa through an ad in the newspaper. A breeder in the next province over had Stabyhoun puppies. So one afternoon we drove there. I don’t remember a lot of that, except that they had this outbuilding back in the yard where they kept the puppies. I don’t know if they were always there, or just when people came. I do remember that I found it awfully dark to house puppies in.

We knew we wanted a female dog, so the breeder lifted the females from the pen and out into the main area of the outbuilding. I think there were three of them, maybe four? The breeder left us to make a choice, Mom and Dad were in the door opening. I kneeled on the floor in the middle.

All the girls immediately started sniffing all around and checking out the place. All, except one. This floppy little puppy happily came over and stood up against my legs. Right then and there I knew. This was her.

Born March 20, we could take her home right away, she was already 8 weeks old. So on May 22, 1999 we brought her home. We didn’t think of a name for her until we were home. But then, Tessa was chosen real quick.

1999 Tessa vloer  1999-09 Tessa & Knuffelbeest

She was a very  happy puppy, always up for playing and cuddles and what not. She loved being outside, right from the start. But could also sleep so deep, stretched out on the floor. She would often dream and bark or squeak while doing so. And she was always a bit clumsy 🙂

1999 Tessa bank 1999 Tessa & Rianne

She loved us, her people, and always wanted to be near us. Preferably on beds and sofas next to us.

2000-04-19 Mama jarig

 

2002

Outside in the summer. With me and Ingrid. During my high school graduation party. Along on a trip to visit Uncle Tammo and Aunt Harma on holidays. Cuddling and sleeping with Dad.  Very curious as to what kind of St. Nicholas presents we have.

2002-zomer Tessa 2002-zomer Ingrid & Rianne Eindexamenfeestje 160602-19 2002-07-17 Tessa 2002-2e helft Tessa & Papa 2002-2e helft Slapen  Tessa nieuwsgierig -- 5-12-02

 

2003

Tessa liked people, she was generally up for meeting and interacting with others. Some she loved, some spooked her at first. Ingrid and Tessa became friends fast. Eva scared her a little bit the first time around, so she took a little time to warm up to her after that 🙂

2003-12-14 Tessa & Ingrid 2003-12-27 Eva & Tessa

 

She would spend a lot of time with me in my room. Beside my chair when I’d sit at my desk, or on my legs while on the bed.

2003-12-14 Tessa & Rianne 2003-12-13 Bed

 

From the rest of the family, she loved Uncle Tammo best. He knows the way to dog hearts goes through their stomach 😀

2003-12-24 Tessa & Mama    2003-12-22 Kop 2003-11-30 Tessa & Tammo

2004

2004-02-14 Buiten 2004-03-26 Kijken

2004-03-29 Rennen 2004-03-15 Bed 1

2004-03-19 Mam & Tessa 2004-04-02 Terras 1

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2005

I had to miss Tessa for a couple months this year while I lived in Leicester. It always made me feel better whenever I called home, Mom would put the phone near Tessa’s ear. I’d talk to her a bit, and she’d go around the room looking for me 🙂

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This was also the year I first shot a family portrait. And no family portrait would be complete without Tessa in it.

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2006

After returning from Leicester the year before, I had registered with the housing cooperation to get a place of my own. In February 2006, I moved out. Of course, I still came home to the Parents regularly, and Tessa came to see me, too. We would take trips into the Eenrummer Woods 🙂

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2007

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2008

In the first picture, Tessa’s eating cauliflower. She was always a weird dog with eating. Didn’t matter what you had, she would like to try it, please. And nine out of ten times, she loved it. Not just expected things like cheese and meat, but lots of vegetables (cauliflower, tomatoes), fruit (apple) and even the occasional dropped breath mints…

I also shot a second family portrait this year, and this one, of course, also featured Tessa.

MEDION DIGITAL CAMERA 06 Tessa

08 Tessa 2008-06-02 Tessa 1

2008-08-01 Familie Foto 1 01 Rol

03 Watisser 2008-06-02 Tessa 1

2009

2009-01-01 Pa & Tessa 3 2009-06-10 Tessa 2

2009-04-19 Tessa 2009-06-01 Rianne & Tessa

2009-06-01 Tessa 2 02 Nienke & Tessa

11 Tessa

2010

Tessa’s always had a tendency to chase after cats. As a result, whenever she was at my house, my cat (and later cats) wouldn’t really feel comfortable around her. They usually hid, or I let them outside. This year marked the first time that Monkey and Tessa spent time in the same room, near each other. Tessa just completely ignored the scratching post with cat. And the cat was actually somewhat relaxed!

2010-01-01 Tessa 4 05 Woef

2010-03-27 Tessa 1 07 Tessa

Image029 01 Tessa

07 Tessa 25 Tessa

22 Tessa 05 Tessa

11 Tessa 21 Tessa

2010-09-15 Monkey & Tessa in dezelfde ruimte

2011

This year had a very good summer, we went to Lauwersoog multiple times. Tessa loved it 🙂

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2012

During this year, Tessa got Addison’s and we could really start to see her getting old. Her mind was still good and she was as happy as ever, just old. Everything slows down some. We stopped bringing her to my place, because her walking became trickier, and I have slippery floors.

IMG_7134 IMG_7558 IMG_7559

SN851128 SN851142

 

2013

As time went on, her walking got worse, and we started slowly thinking about the inevitable. At first, we didn’t think she’d make it to the move. But she did, and she felt right at home at the new place.  I shot another family portrait, specifically so we would have another one that still had Tessa in it.

She made it months, but the last few weeks, she fell more often, and had more and more trouble keeping her legs going the way they’re supposed to. She was still eating just fine, and being happy and cheerful, but it could not go on anymore.

DSC_0239 DSC_0456 - Copy

 

So Wednesday afternoon, on August 28th, I took some last photos, and then we took her to the vet.

The vet took one look at her and concurred with us that it was time. I lifted her on the table and held her. She was never a fan of the table. She didn’t mind going to the clinic and into the chamber, but once on the table she would always lean into me and after a while try to scramble off the table. I always needed to hold her. This time was no different.

The intern shaved her front leg, and the vet injected her and within seconds she started slipping away. And so her life came full circle. Starting with us by basically jumping in my arms, and leaving us in my arms.

esfdfds fdsfgsdgd

I will never forget you. RIP my love.

 

Posted in: General, Photos Tagged: Animals, Dogs, Family, Feels, Love, Me, RIP, Sadness, Tessa

The Heart of the Matter

Monday, September 17, 2012 by Tse Moana Leave a Comment

Dad was diagnosed with severe heart failure earlier this month. After I’d joined the LifeLines project, I invited Mom and Dad to join as well. Mom did so fairly soon, but Dad didn’t until this year. While most of the results from his base line test were okay, the heart graph was off.

To figure out why, he had to go to the hospital where they did another heart graph, which was also off. So last week he had to come back again, this time for an ECG. Then they would have to come back about a week later for the results.
Halfway through the Mom called me (I was watching the dog) to tell me they’d be home later than planned, as the ECG wasn’t good and they would get results the same day instead of later. And indeed, after another doctor came to check on Dad, they brought in the cardiologist who informed them that Dad has heart failure. He was put on medications right away, has to be low active and eat a lot less salt, and had to stop smoking right away.

Last Monday they had to go to the Heart Clinic for a follow up appointment and check up to see how he was doing so far after a week on meds and new regimen.

So, it turns out Dad’s heart has a very low pumping rate, only about 30%, which is like half it should be. He’s getting four different types of medication now: a beta blocker, an ace inhibor, two different ones to help get rid of fluids and something to widen the arteries.
The beta blocker (iirc) has been increased slightly after Monday’s check, and I expect the rest of the meds to be increased and fine tuned over the next few months. So far Dad’s saying that he’s not noticing a lot, eiher good or bad, from the meds. I’m glad he’s not having any side effects (yet?), but I wonder if he should feel different anyway.

Although this could be, of course, because his activity level was low to begin with. So the missive to not do anything intensive is easy, in fact we kinda needed to push him occasionally to do go out and walk or cycle before this. The quitting sigarettes is harder. It went well for a few days but then Mom caught him with a fresh pack of tobacco. She yelled at him and hid the stuff. When I came over Monday to watch the dog again, I then got rid of it.

Mom got him nicotine tablets (afer consulting with the doctor) that he can use if the urge is strong. I’m thinking it’s also just habit for a great deal. He has his set moments where he would go for a smoke out in the garage and that’s his routine. Routines are hard to break.

The Parents were already considering moving house, but this news put that into a higher gear. The yard is really too big for them to properly maintain (and they’re getting kinda sick of the neighbourhood as well). Conveniently, the Housing Cooperation is building new senior appartments in a town nearby. They’d talked about this development before, but Dad vetoed it then. Now, he reconsidered, so Mom called the Housing Cooperation.

Turned out there was one place left, so they immediately signed up for it and were selected. It’s expected the appartments will be ready by next spring, although some sources are saying next January. Since Mom and Dad are the first tenants of the place, they get to pick out the bathroom tiles and what kind of kitchen cabinet doors they want. Dad’s not really into that sort of thing, so I helped Mom with the choices. Fortunately, we agreed on everything right away 🙂

As for the rest, it’s wait and see for now.

Posted in: General Tagged: Dad, Family, Health, Home, Medical, Mom, Parents

Shrinkage, or, My Family is Awesome

Monday, April 23, 2012 by Tse Moana Leave a Comment

I saw the psychiatrist today for my gender intake. I was a little bit disappointed, I was (calling all stereotypes) expecting a couch or at least a comfy chair to be present but no such luck. Ms. Doctor and I sat at a regular table with regular chairs and talked for about an hour and a half.

Obviously it covered the gender feelings and when it started and how it manifests and stuff like that, but also more generalised questions about feelings and behaviour, mental health family history, current and past life circumstances etc… All this so they can determine not only if the gender dysphoria is severe enough to warrant transitioning, but also to check if there might be other mental issues that might need attention first, and to see if I have realistic expectations of this whole process and if I can handle it and have a support system and such.

Ms. Doctor is going to discuss this with the Head-Shrink and then I get to come back for another appointment with both Ms. Doctor and the Head-Shrink. I’m very curious about it, the first appointment turned out to be a reasonably pleasant experience.

 

Going back in time a little, last Saturday I (or rather, we) told (a large part of) my extended family about my being transgender. My Mom had already told a few aunts/uncles but we decided that Mom’s birthday party on Saturday would be an excellent opportunity to tell the others. So, during the day we told the family from Dad’s side, and in the evening Mom’s side of the family all showed up so we told them.

It was a really positive experience. I was pretty nervous beforehand (and I imagine Mom, too), but all reactions we’re positive and basically boiled down to “if this is how you feel, and you’re serious about it, then we support you”. I really could not have asked for a better reception. I expect that from here it will trickle down to various cousins (in so far they don’t see one of these posts via Facebook or Twitter).

Posted in: General Tagged: Birthday, Family, Gender, Health, Medical, Mom, Reflection, Stereotyping, Transgender, Transitioning

The Week in Review: 2012-08

Monday, February 27, 2012 by Tse Moana Leave a Comment

I’m grateful for the bonus we got from work, and for the support of my family and friends.

I’m happy I’m taking steps in my gender process.

I got sad with this weeks’ Glee. It was a very powerful episode and very well put together.

I learned Milo is sensitive to catnip 😀

Posted in: General, The Week in Review Tagged: Cats, Family, Feels, Friends, Gender, Glee, Milo, Transgender, TV, Work

Of Baby Steps and Giant Leaps — The Gender Edition

Monday, February 27, 2012 by Tse Moana 2 Comments

After being quiet about the subject for quite a while I feel it’s time to start talking about gender again. And specifically mine. At first I wasn’t going to, at least not yet, but if I want this blog to be a real representation of my life, I need to incorporate this. And I find writing shit down (in addition to vocalizing to myself) helps me process things. Secondary to that, I hope this will make it easier on my friends, family and wider social circle (in a probably mostly vain hope that more than five people read this).

So, last time I spoke about my gender identity, which was March 2011, and before that (with more detail) December 2010, I mentioned how I was growing away from identifying as genderqueer (being beyond and both man and woman) to a more masculine identity. This process has continued, and not too long after the March post I realized the genderqueer moniker no longer fit at all. Woman was not a part of my gender identity. The older I get, and the more I let myself be the man I am in thought, and appearance, the more I realized I could no longer live in this body. At that point I started to seriously think about transitioning, and doing my research. Because, even with a real life example in my friend circle, everyone’s experience is different and my process will be different than his.

So, at that point I came out to myself as a transgender man.

I allowed myself to live with that (silent) label and to experience the feeling and as time went on, I felt so much more at peace on such a deep level. Even though I could (and can) still not look at myself, unclothed, either directly or in a mirror and am in denial of my body whenever I am not binding, I felt myself moving forward.

When the new year came around, I adopted my motto for this year  ‘Just Do It‘  and decided now was the time to start taking practical steps. After all, the process of transitioning can take two, three years easily and I kinda want to be whole by the time I turn 30.

So, early January I went to my doctor and asked for a referral to the Gender Team at the UMCG. She was supportive and seemed to understand at least a little, and she went to make it happen. I would get a letter with my appointment date.

Later that week or early next I don’t quite remember, I received that letter. The appointment for intake was for February 24th, at 13:45. This also meant it was time to tell The Parents. While this was a very butterfly-stomach moment, it went well. They took it better than expected (granted, they were aware of the binder and some related shit so it couldn’t really have been a total surprise). Mom understands the whole thing a bit better than Dad does, but it will come.

I told Nienke the day I’d gone to my doctor for the referral. I told Eva and Ingrid during a game night at Eva’s place along with Jarig who was obviously also there, and Anneke and Julius who dropped by to dress up Ingrid 😀 I told Gert about a week and a half or so before the appointment. I wasn’t sure yet when and how to tell others, so I decided to keep it quiet for now.

I spent the month and a half I had to wait for the appointment being ecstatic and nerve-wracked (in a good way) at the same time. Finally the day came. I’d taken the day off work, and Mom offered to drive me. I really appreciated this, not just in the ‘thanks for the ride’ way, but also on a deeper level as a show of support and love. We got to the hospital plenty on time. After I registered at the front desk, we made our way to the relevant clinic where we sat and waited for twenty minutes or so.

Then the doctor showed up and I went with him. And then it turned out the referral hadn’t quite been processed right…

Yes, the doctor was part of the Gender Team, but he was the plastic surgeon… Not quite the one you need for the intake. So we did a quick history with a basic ‘this is how I feel‘ thing and some medical history and he then wrote a consult for his Gender Team colleague. So this means I will be getting a new letter, with a new appointment some time this week (I hope) and I get to do the giddy nervousness again. Especially since there’s no telling how soon the psych guy can fit me in. I hope it’s soon.

This ending is a bit abrupt, but I’ve been going on long enough now, and I don’t quite know how to knit a proper ending here. Plus I’ve been hovering over the publish button for the last five minutes deciding if I’m ready to put this out there. I hope this will lead to a more gradual coming out, versus having to suddenly go ‘hey everybody, listen up!’

Posted in: General Tagged: Dad, Eva & Jarig, Family, Friends, Gender, Gert, Ingrid, Me, Mom, Nienke, Parents, Transgender, Transitioning
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