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Feels

Sara Kroos

Saturday, March 28, 2015 by Tse Moana Leave a Comment

Sara KroosWednesday, Mom and I went to the Schouwburg to see Sara Kroos play her latest show “Van Jewelste”. Sara Kroos is someone I’ve seen on TV and always liked, she’s spontaneous but does always seem to make a point. So when Mom suggested we go see her back when I was deciding which shows to go to, I happily agreed,

As it begins, Sara enters the stage and starts telling about her life, obviously fictionalized or embellished in places, but I believe it has a significant core of truth in it. She tells us how her parents showed up at her door to tell her that they had bought the house next door, isn’t that fun! From there she slips in a flashback to an earlier moment where her mother embarrassed her, and from there on to another story and so on. She occasionally comes back to the present day situation, but other than that she jumps back and forth through time in a period of about four or so years.

The stories are hilarious and the jokes she makes are very funny. She’s good at improv so she reacts very well with what the audience is saying. Particularly a gentleman who, at a slightly risque joke made an oh-oh-ho kinda sound. She jumped on that and warned us, with a great smile, that if we thought that was much, we’d better not listen to the rest. And true to her word, that wasn’t the most risque joke by a long shot 😀

Sara Kroos CDIn between stories she sits down at the piano and sings a song. And the songs are the counterweights to all the laughter of the stories. They are calmer, and more serious and light the other side of parents and different generations and time, which are the main themes of the show. And by combining these elements, she really drives the point that time goes ever on.

Especially since I’m of a similar age as she is, and my parents are of a similar age as hers are, a lot of the things she said, and sang, hit home. You reach this point in your life where you’re in the middle. Your parents are still young and healthy enough to have a life of their own, you have your live (generally busy) and your children are doing their thing. And you look around and you kinda want to freeze the moment and keep it like this forever. Because it’s never going to be as good as it is now.

With time, there will come a day when you no longer think “oh, at least they’re still healthy” but it shifts to “at least they’re still here” and then they’re not. And you shift from annoyance and embarrasment at what your parents do to endearment at what they do, the older they get. And the same with children; who grow up and become more independent and eventually move out. And through all that, you need to realise that things always change, there will always be new moments that are good, or awesome, or fantastic, or even just sorta okay, but even the most awesomest thing is an individual thing. And as such, nothing is ever going to be as good as it was right at the moment you experienced it.

So yeah, many feels. And I was really happy I got to see this show with Mom.

Afterwards, Sara sold CDs with the songs from the show from the stage and would sign them, so Mom and I made our way there and each bought a copy.

Posted in: General, Photos Tagged: Cabaret, Feels, Memories, Mom, Music, Photos, Schouwburg, Theater, Videos

A Week in the Life [+ The Normal Heart]

Sunday, June 8, 2014 by Tse Moana Leave a Comment

The_Normal_Heart_PosterI came home Tuesday to a new edition of Flow on the door mat as well as next season’s theater catalog. After the first run through, I was on 9 shows I wanted to see.

My Uncle’s birthday was Wednesday so went there in the afternoon.

BphOiMBIUAAKrBFThen Thursday I had planned to go see The Hundred-Year-Old Man Who Climbed Out the Window and Disappeared after work, but it rained so much I decided against it. Instead I went to the Bruna at the train station and bought books (including The Ocean at the End of the Lane, by Neil Gaiman). Once home, I watched The Normal Heart (I had recorded it when it premiered on HBO Sunday).

It’s a movie, after the play of the same name, about the beginning of the AIDS crisis in New York City in the early 80’s. Main character is the, gay, writer Ned Weeks. As more and more people around him get ‘gay cancer’ and die from it, he notices that mainstream medicine and the government choose to look the other way. He and his friends form Gay Men’s Health Crisis, an advocacy group to raise awareness and money and help those affected and afflicted by the disease. Ned favours a more aggressive, vocal approach which conflicts with the more diplomatic way the rest of his friends choose. Meanwhile, in his personal life, he falls in love with journalist Felix. The two start a relationship, but then Felix gets AIDS as well.

It is a difficult movie to watch. It is raw and deep and open, quite literally like a festering wound. It is beautiful, intensely fragile and strong at the same time. Watching it left me devastated and in pieces. I will be watching it again, and I will definitely be buying the blu ray when it’s released. And I only buy blu rays of movies I really, really, love.

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Saturday: Lounging on the bed with Milo 🙂

The Normal Heart stars Mark Ruffalo as Ned, Matt Bomer as Felix and has, among other, Jim Parsons, Julia Roberts, Jonathan Groff and Alfred Molina in it.

Friday I went to the cinema with Kim to see Maleficent. I liked the movie. The visuals were very pretty, and the back story they gave for Maleficent was nice. The acting was okay to good. Angelina Jolie was good, as was the guy playing her lackey. But the dude playing the king sported the most awful fake Scottish accent. And later on, in a scene at his castle, all of a sudden mid-scene half the men there acquired the same horrible accent… And the ending felt rather rushed.

Back home, I went through the the theater catalog again. Got it down to 7… But am talking with Mom about going to see War Horse in January…

Saturday I played a lot of Warcraft, and I read The Ocean at the End of the Lane. It’s a lovely, lovely book. It tells the story of a little boy who meets the people who live at the end of the lane, the Hempstocks. And there is something odd about this family. There are no men, and they have an ocean in the garden. And then an old evil manages to enter this world, and he needs the Hempstocks to survive. It has magic and supernatural stuff and all those things you find under the veneer of modern day life (well, modern day sixties life). It is definitely a recommended read.

Also,  the new birthday calendar I ordered to hang in the downstairs toilet came. Unfortunately packed, but very, very, pretty 🙂

 

Posted in: General, Photos Tagged: Animals, Birthday, Books, Cats, Family, Feels, Friends, Kim, Milo, Movies, Photos, Reading, Review, Shopping, Theater, TV

Lohues

Monday, June 2, 2014 by Tse Moana Leave a Comment

I’m back from a glorious night out with Mommy dear. We had dinner at Het Feithhuis on their back terrace. It was a lovely place to sit, but it got a bit chilly quicker than expected. We had an amuse with potato cream and paprika and something, it was quite tasty. For the main course, I had steak and Mom went with chicken. The dessert was the best, it was a platter for two with seven or so (per person) tiny dessert items like pastries, ice cream, fruit and combinations thereof.

After that, we walked towards the Schouwburg to go see Daniel Lohues perform. He writes and sings beautiful songs about life in the dialect of Drenthe. Songs that are deceptively simple and straightforward and can hit you like a brick. Between the songs he told stories and anecdotes in typical Lohues fashion. All in all, it was a wonderful performance.

Posted in: General Tagged: Eating Out, Feels, Feithhuis, Food, Mom, Music, Schouwburg, Theater

Tessa [20/3/1999 – 28/8/2013]

Thursday, September 5, 2013 by Tse Moana Leave a Comment

I’d been harassing my parents for years to get a dog. And then Dad had his aorta surgery and he needed to walk more on orders from the doctor. So I saw my chance and renewed my pleas. And this time around, Mom and Dad seemed to be coming around.

I remember Dad at some point sitting on the sofa with the book of dog breeds and asking me what I thought of “one of these”. One of these, was a Stabyhoun. I read the blurb that came with it, and I liked it. Turns out that there was a Stabyhoun in the shelter that they were interested. Unfortunately for us (fortunately for the dog), his owner showed up to take the runaway home. But that was the moment it had been decided. It was going to be a Stabyhoun.

I think they found Tessa through an ad in the newspaper. A breeder in the next province over had Stabyhoun puppies. So one afternoon we drove there. I don’t remember a lot of that, except that they had this outbuilding back in the yard where they kept the puppies. I don’t know if they were always there, or just when people came. I do remember that I found it awfully dark to house puppies in.

We knew we wanted a female dog, so the breeder lifted the females from the pen and out into the main area of the outbuilding. I think there were three of them, maybe four? The breeder left us to make a choice, Mom and Dad were in the door opening. I kneeled on the floor in the middle.

All the girls immediately started sniffing all around and checking out the place. All, except one. This floppy little puppy happily came over and stood up against my legs. Right then and there I knew. This was her.

Born March 20, we could take her home right away, she was already 8 weeks old. So on May 22, 1999 we brought her home. We didn’t think of a name for her until we were home. But then, Tessa was chosen real quick.

1999 Tessa vloer  1999-09 Tessa & Knuffelbeest

She was a very  happy puppy, always up for playing and cuddles and what not. She loved being outside, right from the start. But could also sleep so deep, stretched out on the floor. She would often dream and bark or squeak while doing so. And she was always a bit clumsy 🙂

1999 Tessa bank 1999 Tessa & Rianne

She loved us, her people, and always wanted to be near us. Preferably on beds and sofas next to us.

2000-04-19 Mama jarig

 

2002

Outside in the summer. With me and Ingrid. During my high school graduation party. Along on a trip to visit Uncle Tammo and Aunt Harma on holidays. Cuddling and sleeping with Dad.  Very curious as to what kind of St. Nicholas presents we have.

2002-zomer Tessa 2002-zomer Ingrid & Rianne Eindexamenfeestje 160602-19 2002-07-17 Tessa 2002-2e helft Tessa & Papa 2002-2e helft Slapen  Tessa nieuwsgierig -- 5-12-02

 

2003

Tessa liked people, she was generally up for meeting and interacting with others. Some she loved, some spooked her at first. Ingrid and Tessa became friends fast. Eva scared her a little bit the first time around, so she took a little time to warm up to her after that 🙂

2003-12-14 Tessa & Ingrid 2003-12-27 Eva & Tessa

 

She would spend a lot of time with me in my room. Beside my chair when I’d sit at my desk, or on my legs while on the bed.

2003-12-14 Tessa & Rianne 2003-12-13 Bed

 

From the rest of the family, she loved Uncle Tammo best. He knows the way to dog hearts goes through their stomach 😀

2003-12-24 Tessa & Mama    2003-12-22 Kop 2003-11-30 Tessa & Tammo

2004

2004-02-14 Buiten 2004-03-26 Kijken

2004-03-29 Rennen 2004-03-15 Bed 1

2004-03-19 Mam & Tessa 2004-04-02 Terras 1

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2005

I had to miss Tessa for a couple months this year while I lived in Leicester. It always made me feel better whenever I called home, Mom would put the phone near Tessa’s ear. I’d talk to her a bit, and she’d go around the room looking for me 🙂

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This was also the year I first shot a family portrait. And no family portrait would be complete without Tessa in it.

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2006

After returning from Leicester the year before, I had registered with the housing cooperation to get a place of my own. In February 2006, I moved out. Of course, I still came home to the Parents regularly, and Tessa came to see me, too. We would take trips into the Eenrummer Woods 🙂

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2007

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2008

In the first picture, Tessa’s eating cauliflower. She was always a weird dog with eating. Didn’t matter what you had, she would like to try it, please. And nine out of ten times, she loved it. Not just expected things like cheese and meat, but lots of vegetables (cauliflower, tomatoes), fruit (apple) and even the occasional dropped breath mints…

I also shot a second family portrait this year, and this one, of course, also featured Tessa.

MEDION DIGITAL CAMERA 06 Tessa

08 Tessa 2008-06-02 Tessa 1

2008-08-01 Familie Foto 1 01 Rol

03 Watisser 2008-06-02 Tessa 1

2009

2009-01-01 Pa & Tessa 3 2009-06-10 Tessa 2

2009-04-19 Tessa 2009-06-01 Rianne & Tessa

2009-06-01 Tessa 2 02 Nienke & Tessa

11 Tessa

2010

Tessa’s always had a tendency to chase after cats. As a result, whenever she was at my house, my cat (and later cats) wouldn’t really feel comfortable around her. They usually hid, or I let them outside. This year marked the first time that Monkey and Tessa spent time in the same room, near each other. Tessa just completely ignored the scratching post with cat. And the cat was actually somewhat relaxed!

2010-01-01 Tessa 4 05 Woef

2010-03-27 Tessa 1 07 Tessa

Image029 01 Tessa

07 Tessa 25 Tessa

22 Tessa 05 Tessa

11 Tessa 21 Tessa

2010-09-15 Monkey & Tessa in dezelfde ruimte

2011

This year had a very good summer, we went to Lauwersoog multiple times. Tessa loved it 🙂

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2012

During this year, Tessa got Addison’s and we could really start to see her getting old. Her mind was still good and she was as happy as ever, just old. Everything slows down some. We stopped bringing her to my place, because her walking became trickier, and I have slippery floors.

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SN851128 SN851142

 

2013

As time went on, her walking got worse, and we started slowly thinking about the inevitable. At first, we didn’t think she’d make it to the move. But she did, and she felt right at home at the new place.  I shot another family portrait, specifically so we would have another one that still had Tessa in it.

She made it months, but the last few weeks, she fell more often, and had more and more trouble keeping her legs going the way they’re supposed to. She was still eating just fine, and being happy and cheerful, but it could not go on anymore.

DSC_0239 DSC_0456 - Copy

 

So Wednesday afternoon, on August 28th, I took some last photos, and then we took her to the vet.

The vet took one look at her and concurred with us that it was time. I lifted her on the table and held her. She was never a fan of the table. She didn’t mind going to the clinic and into the chamber, but once on the table she would always lean into me and after a while try to scramble off the table. I always needed to hold her. This time was no different.

The intern shaved her front leg, and the vet injected her and within seconds she started slipping away. And so her life came full circle. Starting with us by basically jumping in my arms, and leaving us in my arms.

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I will never forget you. RIP my love.

 

Posted in: General, Photos Tagged: Animals, Dogs, Family, Feels, Love, Me, RIP, Sadness, Tessa

The Week in Review: 2012-08

Monday, February 27, 2012 by Tse Moana Leave a Comment

I’m grateful for the bonus we got from work, and for the support of my family and friends.

I’m happy I’m taking steps in my gender process.

I got sad with this weeks’ Glee. It was a very powerful episode and very well put together.

I learned Milo is sensitive to catnip 😀

Posted in: General, The Week in Review Tagged: Cats, Family, Feels, Friends, Gender, Glee, Milo, Transgender, TV, Work

Torchwood: Children of Earth

Saturday, July 11, 2009 by Tse Moana Leave a Comment

I’m still not quite coherent after this week of mind-wrecking tv but I need to vent things and since that’s what this place is for…
Just to be on the safe side I’ll put this after a cut for any stumbling in Americans that are waiting for BBC America’s broadcast starting July 20th. In short, I loved the series as a whole, well written, well acted, well directed, easily 4 out of 5 stars. I just have some minor issues and one major issue that ruined everything for me.

So… Torchwood… I’m in danger of rambling so I’m just gonna take this sort of by topic instead of doing it episode by episode.

Let’s start with the aliens. I thought the portrayal of the 456 was excellently done! By keeping them hidden the tension was kept up and there was no risk of having the audience burn the cgi. I was bothered by the fact that no-one tried to use the 456′ box against it. It sent instructions to build it so the government people knew how the thing worked, they couldn’t figure out a way, later, to break through the box and just kill the alien by venting its atmosphere?
The other thing about the 456 that I liked was that they didn’t want the children for some kind of higher purpose but just as a fix. To them, we mean nothing, we’re just a drug to them.

Then there’s the team. My love for Torchwood grew from the team dynamic. Granted, the wacky adventures they had we’re great fun to watch but it ‘s the characters and their dynamic that kept me watching. I love Captain Jack as this swaggering, cheeky man, almost always with a twinkle in his eye and at his best when he can go and do something. I also loved how they built up Ianto from the manservant who never got involved to full-fledged member of the team. And the Jack/Ianto relationship really gave a new dimension to both characters. Owen was another of my favourites, it was awesome to see him grow, see him become more than the basically angry man he was in the first few episodes of series 1. And, at the risk of repeating myself, same for Tosh and also Gwen. And then RTD started to break this down.
First he killed of Owen and Toshiko, leaving the team broken. I’d wished they would’ve touched on this a little more even though the scene were Gwen says good morning to their picture was really touching and all out lovely.

During the beginning of the crisis, the team sticks together and the team dynamic is good. As the situation worsens, however, the more the team gets separated (if not physically, then emotionally), especially after the hub explodes. I love about Torchwood how the team can make me laugh, and this series had remarkably few moments of that. I know it’s been emphasised from the get-go that this would be a darker Torchwood but there’s a thing as too dark. I watch Torchwood to have a good time, get some decent sci-fi in and have a laugh and a chuckle. I can’t remember any laugh out loud moments in this series, however, outside of the moment where Ianto breaks Jack out of prison. That was so very much a Torchwood thing; Gwen and Rhys sneaking in as undertakers, of all things,  then Ianto and his JCB come barging in. And Gwen admonishing him for taking his time when they run out and climb in to run :).

I also really enjoyed the moments the team members had with their families. Gwen with Rhys (even though he was almost a team member in this series), Ianto with his sister and her family and Jack with his daughter and grandson. They rounded out the characters, made them more human. Plus, they brought home the fact that this thing with the children does not only affect the world, it also affects them personally.

Now, outside of the the fact there was not much laughing or even chuckling to be done, I was gaining faith. The team was growing, getting used to being this smaller group. The dynamic was different but it came back. And then the unforgivable happened. They killed of Ianto. o.0
The scene was excellently acted and wonderfully executed by remaining close on them as Ianto was dying. But, and this a big one, it totally ruined everything for me. Jack is my favourite character of the bunch, but Ianto was such a close second you’d need a very tiny measuring tape to get the distance between them. And the Jack/Ianto relationship was awesome and brought new insights to both their characters and was slowly getting Jack out of his comfort zone. Jack is really a man who has been hurt a lot in his long time on earth and he keeps his emotions inside for the most part, a measure of self-protection, and Ianto was breaking this down. And then they killed him, and with him a part of Jack too.

The way of killing Ianto, however, seemed random(ish). No heroics, no going down fighting, just a virus, from an alien in a protective box, neither of which can be fighted, can be stopped. I get the point they’re trying to make: Torchwood is dangerous, you can die at any time, and it doesn’t have to be a major event either; but this was like a last straw kinda thing. After Owen and Tosh, now getting rid of Ianto killed the team dynamic. There is no team anymore, there’s Jack and there’s Gwen. Jack can’t really fall back on Gwen (although the scene with Ianto’s body was very touching) cause she has Rhys and her unborn baby. And with Rhys being the type of man he is, there is no room for Jack, not in the long run. And with no other people close to him, this leaves Jack on his own.

Then, the government. I have mixed feelings over this. On the one hand, I loved how they showed the process in which the government went along with the 456. How, once the decision had been made to hand over the kids, the people, almost casually, went on to decide which kids should be taken. Creepy Prime Minister was good too, really the embodiment of how many people see the government I think. It was John Frobisher, however, who was hands down the best part of the government parts. His development from a general paper-pusher to front man was very well done. You could see him wrestle with his emotions and it really showed how easy things change. He worked hard his entire life, was successful and then this comes along and in just a few days he is brought to the edge. The scene where the PM tells him he has been chosen as example and that his kids will be taken was chilling. The following sequence, where he requisitions the gun and goes home was marvelously done, with the sound going away and the music swelling. I half expected the scene to end with the closing door but then… the gunshots.

What I didn’t like about the government was that it took up so much screen time. I get that in this story line the government is important but, getting back to a previous point, I watch Torchwood for the team, I wanted more team time.

Another thing I really enjoyed were a lot of the secondary characters. These were excellently cast and brought diversity to the plot. Rupesh Patinjali for some reason really reminded me of Dr. Bashir from Star Trek : Deep Space 9, all wide eyed and ready to dive into the world of secret organisations and missions. Of course, we learn he already is involved and gets in over his head, just like Julian (almost) has on a few occassions.

I especially liked Clem and his tics 😀 His “isn’t it” over his shoulder, his smelling of things. A favourite part, one of the few moments that got a chuckle out of me, was when Gwen brought him to the makeshift hub. She’d introduced Rhys and then Clem goes “Who’s the queer?” Ianto’s fierce “Oy!” brought a smile and then Clem’s sullen response “He is, I can smell it” brought the chuckle.
I loved Ianto’s sister, Rhiannon, how her voice nearly broke when she asked Ianto if it was something she’d done that he wouldn’t talk to her. And then Ianto telling about him and Jack was marvelous, really brings home the point, we don’t fall in love with a gender, we fall in love with a person.

Jack’s family was a pleasant surprise too, Alice was very good, I loved the little tidbits we got to know about how she deals with having a father who can’t die and doesn’t really age. And how quickly she figured out that Jack was there initially for Steven, because he needed a kid.
Johnson was another I liked. Not at first, mind you, then she was just another person who happened to be the one wanting them dead. But later, once she started learning what it was the government was hiding, you saw her change, and that was very well done. Mellowing her without having her lose her hard edge, as demonstrated at the end with Steven’s sacrifice.

And that brings us to the ending. I didn’t really like the fifth episode. It seemed both too slow and too fast. It was awfully fast how the government managed to set the whole process of rounding up the kids in motion, a matter of hours, that seems a bit unrealistic (yeah, I know, it’s TV but still :D), yet the way it was filmed took too long, I got impatient with it. The way they showed the actual taking of the kids in the buses and such was a bit low on extras, I’d expect more angry parents at the fence and more fighting back. Not running after the bus for 3 steps and then stopping, no, get in a car, chase after it, stuff like that. Same goes for the scene on the estate where Rhi and Johnny live, the amount of soldiers and of civilians seemed to low. And the whole running off with the kids and hiding in the barn, that was… meh.
I both did and didn’t like how Rhiannon lashed at Gwen that she didn’t really know Ianto at all. Made it clear that there were still many things about Ianto we didn’t know and now never will, but also showed that Ianto apparently didn’t feel comfortable enough with the team yet to share that kind of information about himself.

The final solution that Jack and Mr. Dekker came up with seemed to easy, surely someone must’ve figured that out before… Mr. Dekker seemed to relish the thought the kid at the center would fry, the way he said it, it was very creepy. Jack’s in charge again, saving the world. And he has to make the decision to sacrifice Steven. there is no other choice, no other kid nearby. It was an excellent scene, very well done. Then when the transmission starts and Steven starts to bleed and you see Alice at the window and Jack standing there, tears streaming down his face. That’s when he breaks, and then when all is said and done and he’s in the hallway and Alice comes in and just looks at him and leaves him, that’s when he starts running away from things. He can’t take any more.

If it had ended there, it would’ve been better. The six months later epilogue was kinda lame. I get why they needed a set-up where Jack goes into space and such so he can meet up with the doctor (since six months later puts it conveniently in time for the Doctor Who Christmas special he is cast for) but… there’s just something off about it.

So… yeah. Taking us on a darker path this year, definitely. But there’s also something like too much darkness. Torchwood’s upbeatness was one of the main pulls for me, but this was just mostly bleak and harrowing and full of despair.

Posted in: General Tagged: Feels, Rant, Review, TV

State of Emotion

Saturday, May 24, 2008 by Tse Moana 2 Comments

I’m an introverted person, I don’t show my emotions easily. The one thing I almost never do is cry. Not when there’s people around and even when I’m alone, I rarely do so. And, just as some people get emotional with the TV easily, I’ve never had that, at all. Until, apparently, I became an adult. Now, that doesn’t mean I now suddenly start bawling at every remotely emotional thing, it has to be something big. Like people dying. And then only when they’re characters I love deeply, or it affects characters I love deeply. For the longest time, my tv-crying was limited to one moment only. That being the death of Claire McLeod in the season 3 finale of the Australian drama McLeod’s Daughters. And then, a few months ago, I finally saw Stargate Atlantis season 3 which featured the death of Dr. Beckett.

And, as I said, I don’t show my emotions easily and I hoped it would stay with that. Of course, that was an idle hope, shattered when I saw the season finale of House yesterday.

:,(

Posted in: General Tagged: Feels, TV

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