Transitioning

People on Holidays and a Schoolyear

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Into the city today with the Mom 😀 First I had to go see the medical social worker again as one of the required parts of transitioning. Most people see her regularly, but I saw her last in January. We’d agreed then that I would contact her around March for a follow-up but I forgot and when I did remember it wasn’t a priority for me as I don’t feel the need. Everything is going quite splendid.

But in May I finally mailed her, and then she maybe lost it or something as I never heard back. On itself not a problem, at least I could say I did my part. But as July came around and the new law about name and gender change came into effect, I needed some form of contact to figure out what to do to get the needed statement. So I mailed again, and now I got a response and we set a meeting for today. And she referred me to another person for the paperwork.

When I mailed that person, I got the auto-mailer informing me they were on holiday but here’s a link with info. Which was nice as I learned how it works. The piece of paper is €65 *gasp*. And if you haven’t been in to see a psych or the social worker in the last six months, they consider you no longer in active treatment and then you have to pay another €250 for a consult… o.O So I was particularly glad I had set that appointment as January is about six months ago…

Anyway, it was a nice chat, took an hour just as before. And also just as before I am a well-adjusted, grounded person with a well developed sense of self and such. I have no problems she can help me with and I feel excellent. With an agreement to contact again after I have an appointment with the Plastics dude (if all goes well I get a referral in August), I left.

Before that, at the end, we spoke briefly about the name/gender change and the paperwork and she put me on the list, which saves me an extra phone call later this week. Unfortunately, not only is the admin person on holiday, so are both the psychiatrists who are vetted to give the required statement… Which is kind of embarrassing for the gender team, and means it will be August before they get around to work down the list. I hope they hurry up then, I need my data changed, especially seeing as how I’ve finally decided on the how and what of going back to school.

Yes, I have 😀 I have been searching for what to do in regards to learning for quite a while now. I wanted to do another university level thing because, even though I rationally know HBO is also very good and offers many options, I’ve done a university BA and half of a Master’s before. And it would feel sort of like settling if I didn’t do it again. Problem then was, what and where. I realised pretty quickly that a regular BA wouldn’t work, what with the new laws regarding how fast you have to do things I can’t squeeze that in to my life after working 36 hours a week. So part-time it had to be, however the official part-time options Groningen offers kind of suck. And what I do like and is available part-time, is all in Amsterdam and such and therefore not doable in terms of travel.

But last week my brain remembered the thing that is the Open University. An accredited university that offers distance learning, lots of online/digital stuff with,if so desired, the option for contact hours and more guidance. So I looked at their offerings and saw individual classes that I liked and then I stumbled upon the Bachelor’s program for Cultural Sciences (Algemene Cultuurwetenschappen). After reading it through, I realised it matches my interests very much, and is also a program with a lot of options for customising. So, I have decided to enroll. However, I first need my name and gender changed to have as little confusion as possible and no issues later on with names on certificates and diplomas.

Oh, and after my appointment, Mom and I then went on to the mall for a wee bit of shopping. Bought some books, some fake flowers and a mail holder for Nienke and we stopped for a late lunch. We had a good time 🙂

Fluxx

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april27Sunday I did indeed do very little. One of the things I did was watch medieval castle documentaries with Monkey 🙂

Tuesday I ordered a game, called Fluxx. I’d seen it on TableTop before (they played Star Fluxx) and it seemed like fun then, but I forgot about it. Recenty, though, the iPad version was temporarily free so I grabbed it. Playing it I realised what fun it would be to play in real life so I ordered it, along with the newest Science of Discworld book. I didn’t look at the delivery date very closely so I was kinda surprised when they got here on Wednesday.

Unfortunately the Science of Discworld is in trade paperback format so doesn’t match at all with literally every other Discworld book I have. It apparently isn’t out in mass market yet, but I am strongly contemplating replacing it when it does. This just annoys the crap out of me and I can’t even place it on the Discworld shelf because it doesn’t fit.

april30Fluxx was as I expected it, and that night, Nienke and I played it, while watching the relevant TableTop episode.

Also yesterday was a quick trip to the city for a blood/vitals check up to see if hormone levels are all good and such. As usual I was done within ten minutes with the actual consult, and then another ten for the blood draw (including waiting).

Today was the first time I worked from home since transferring to Webcare. It was fun to be able to put Netflix on in the background and just go.

I also started watching 7th Heaven again this week. I used to watch that in my teens when the EO and such were showing it on TV. But they never got past the early 5th season. So at some point I acquired the rest and then it sat waiting for me to actually watch. Occasionally the mood strikes me and then I usually have a couple days where I watch a bunch of episodes. In this way I made it from starting back at epsiode one all the way to season 10. I still have a season and a half to go, so that’s my goal for the coming few weeks, to finish it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Long Weekend

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Quiet start of the free Friday. Kim came by later in the morning for tea and book talk/borrowing. In the afternoon it was time for singing class. I’ve been growing frustrated with singing the last few months since I’m on T. I definitely notice vocal changes and it messes with my ability to sing in that I can’t reach what I could before and in the lows it doesn’t do what I want it to do yet.
I finally expressed (some) of this during class. We decided to focus more on excercises and easy stuff to ease the frustration and such. We’ll see how this goes.

Even so, I’m not sure I want to continue with this beyond this year. I like singing very much, and I learn a lot, but I’m just not that invested and I notice I’m loosing my desire to sing. I don’t sing as much freely anymore, and when I do work on stuff for class, I’m so focused on matching the timing and such rather than being in the song. I’ve always liked either singing along with the artist, or doing it by myself without music best anyway. I’m in it for the lyrics mainly 🙂

Saturday morning Mom and I went to Uithuizen for groceries and some other errands. Bought some decorative stuff at the Action and various tasty things. Then we went to the florist to get a piece for my aunt and uncle’s fiftieth anniversary. We’d been invited to the celebratory dinner that evening. I also bought a beautiful fake floral arrangement. Big blue vase with various forms of greenery in the top and some twigs.

march29At the end of the afternoon, the Parents came back to the house to pick me up and we drove to Assen to eat at Yankee Doodle. It was a very fun evening. I hadn’t seen most of my cousins in quite a few years, so it was really nice catching up with them and trying to figure out which kid went with which cousin since they were wee ones (or not even born) when I last saw them. The youngest of the kids nicely had everyone dancing to her tune as most everyone ended up being face painted. Don’t I make a pretty tiger?

Today I slept in and finished the little explosion book I’ve been making of Tessa. I wanted a photo book of her for myself too, ever since I made Mom and Dad the giant ass one I gave them for St. Christmas. But instead of doing another print on demand thing, I decided to make one and settled on the format of an explosion book. This is made from three squares of paper and ends up being this cleverly folded thing. There’s an excellent tutorial in my pinterest pins somewhere. Ah, here. Watched The Little Mermaid and The Emperor’s New Groove while working on it. The Emperor’s New Groove was funnier than I was expecting, good movie.

Grand Adventures

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Had a check-up at the hopsital this morning to test hormone levels and such. Check up was a breeze. Bit of small talk with the doctor about how I was (splendid!) and did I have any questions (nope). Then it was on to the Needle Folk to take a couple vials of blood. Results in two weeks.

Then went to the mall with mom. Bought a book about Groningen between 1780 and 1850. Then we picked up Nienke after her exam and headed for the Hema for breakfast. Then we went to Ikea to look for new sofas.

We sat on many and finally decided to go for Ektorp after all. I decided we should get two three-seaters, since our living room is so huge, as well as the comfy chair that goes with it. I also bought a night stand and a chest of drawers for my socks and stuff like that.

With that being done, we headed for the check out and made an appointment for delivery of all the stuff. We got lucky, they could come and deliver the next morning! Afterwards we headed back home. I took a little nap and then got ready for the team outing. We went for dinner at Pappa Joe, then bowling. I had a great time, and even managed a couple strikes and spares. After our time was up, we headed out to go drink some more. I tagged along, but since that is really not my thing, I left pretty soon after together with two other colleagues. Halfway to the station I realised… I had no key. Nienke had a key. I contemplated going back, but figured I could stop by the Parent’s place and get their key, it wasn’t that late. So I went on towards home, and stopped at the Parents. Where I spent 40 minutes ringing the bell and calling them before mom woke up… She hadn’t heard anything. It turned out Dad had, but thought it was the phone and doorbell of the neighbours……….

After all that time I was rather pissed and freezing so I took the key and went along home to go to bed. Only to get up fairly early the next day because…

Sofa delivery day!

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That is indeed ten packages. The  two big ones are the sofas, the smaller big one is the chair. The three on top are the sofa and chair covers. The long one on the floor is Nienke’s new Billy and the two flat ones below that, the doors for said Billy. Finally, the bigger flat one below the doors is my chest with drawers. Of course I know that Ikea is king of modular furniture and that this would also apply to sofas. But somehow I hadn’t actually thought of the fact that I would be getting lots of boxes instead of ready furniture 😀

Nienke hadn’t come home until the early morning and was still very hung over when the sofas came. So I just left her be and started building, while occasionally sending her a photo. I started with the chair, on the premise that it’s the smallest piece so probably the easiest. And that it was, indeed. The back and the seating are attached so they just folded open. Then it was only a matter of putting some screws in to attach the arms to the frame and the feet to the bottom. Then all it needed was its cover, and done. Monkey approved 😀

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The sofas had the same process, but it took a little longer because of size. Monkey approved of this, also.

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We stuffed the old sofas in the garage and then I spent the rest of the evening building the chest of drawers while re-watching Star Trek: Into Darkness. Then today I skipped Pilates, and built the night stand after which I hit relax mode for the rest of the day to finish Last of the Guardians.

Hnnnnngh…

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I am so completely dead. Went to the gym for the first time on Monday, and O. M. G… I was going for the half hour of Vario Sport, wherein you do something else every week. This first week of the new season it was mainly twenty thousand forms of hopping about. After doing that, I felt fairly good. And so I was easily convinced to stick around for the half hour of Tabata that follows on it directly. Tabata turned out to be a high intensity interval training where we did all kinds of exercises rapidly for about thirty seconds and then another and then another and another and a 30 second break and again a series of the same exercises. Combined this killed me sooooo dead.

I made it home afterward, fell down on the sofas and refused to get up until it was time for bed. Which was a bad idea in itself because…
The next day I could barely walk, my calves hurt sooooo bad 😀

After work I made a cheesecake for the team, from scratch, just like with Christmas dinner. Started a bit too late though, it was after midnight when I took the cake out of the oven… So late, that I didn’t get around to putting up the raspberry topping until the next morning before work.

After that it was quite the adventure to get the cake in the bike crate, it only just fit. It survived the bumps on the way to the train station as well as the ride to the city. Left the cake with the team leader for handing out during the daily meeting. At that point I was gone, though.

I had to grab the train back home right after finishing at one, to make it in time for the appointment for my second T shot. It went well, I tried to keep the leg even more relaxed than I did with the other for the first shot in the hope that this would be less painful and for a shorter time. I think it worked, as I only felt it for a day or two. The calves, though… Man, they’re still driving me nuts.

Also on Wednesday, my shiny, shiny iPad Air arrived. I went to check on my old iTunes account and all my old apps are still there. And, joy of all joys, all my progress in Magic Piano is still there as well as my more than 160 songs. I did spend some money on that back when I still had an iPhone, so nice to know it’s all still here.

During singing on Saturday I noticed some first subtle changes in my voice. It’s starting to get a bit scratchy a bit sooner. And then it didn’t help I was doing How You Remind Me 😀 Am very curious to see how this develops.

The rest of the day I dumped shit in the attic and I worked on the carpeting for the front hallway. Also had a nice evening with some friends coming over.

Today I did go to Pilates (I skipped body pump on Thursday) and that was great fun. I always liked Pilates back in Leicester, so I’m glad I went here, too. Spent the afternoon in relaxation watching Sherlock again as well as my new blu ray of Les Misérables. I love that movie <3

And So It Begins…

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Today I registered at the gym in town. I wanted to do something about my general physique and stamina and such for a while now, but now that I’ve started T, it’s easier to build muscle. Plans are to do about three group lessons a week, and after a period to get used to it, to add solo work on the various devices. I hope to gain in the torso/upper arm area, build stamina and lose more weight. Although it would probably be good if I also got rid of the candy crap then 😀

Hit the city as well today. Went looking for new bags, one for my laptop as my current 17″ doesn’t fit in the 15″ bag I have, and a new messenger bag for work. Unfortunately I didn’t find any that were both pretty and in my price range. Did buy a game (Black Stories), and a trash bin at Xenos.

Repetition is the Mother of Knowledge?

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Went to see the gender psychiatrist again last Tuesday for my second of the three required meetings. This time around we only spoke for little over half an hour (as opposed to the hour or so from last time). It was kinda obvious that he didn’t really have anything pressing to talk about so he mostly repeated questions from last time.  When did I first start to feel gender dysphoria, how did that show, how long has it been since I got into the process, have I had doubts since then and so on. I get that he needs to ask the control questions and be sure and such, but it does kinda feel like a waste, especially since I do have to pay part of these appointments myself.

He did bring up the new topic of children, whether or not I want them, and if I planned on saving some eggs. I told him that I wouldn’t mind having kids at some point (not now, though) but that I’ve known since I was a teenager that I never, ever want to be pregnant and that I really don’t care very  much if any children I have are biologically mine or not. I therefore have no plans right now to store eggs. He dutifully wrote it down and impressed upon me the need to think about this. I promised him I would.

For a multidisciplinary team, I find they don’t really have that much of a grasp of the process beyond their own little bit. I asked him when in the physical process, the possibility of egg retrieval would be pertinent and he started repeating the canned explanation on how the transition process goes (talks, referral, hormones, surgery). After I stopped him and made clear that wasn’t what I meant. He said it is done generally before starting hormones, although it might also be possible later on, but before surgery.

So I made a mental note to discuss this with the gynecologist after he green lights me. I really don’t have any plans to store eggs right now, but I’m assuming they can give me some practical info, which might change my mind. I doubt it though.

Anyway. The third, and most likely final, appointment isn’t until October. This means that I probably won’t be getting any hormones until next year, since the psychiatrist needs to meet with the gender team as a whole to green light me. And then they refer me to the gynecologist which has a one/two month waiting list. And the first appointment there is only testing anyway. So I’ll have to wait some more 🙁

Blog About Me [10/52] My Best Physical Features

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I have a bit of a love-hate relationship with my physical body, mostly caused by the gender dysphoria. Treatment and the surgeries that will follow should fix that. In the mean time, there are some things about my body that I do like 🙂

I really like my hands. I don’t quite know why, but I like their shape, their size, the way the veins and tendons can be seen when I stretch or flex my hand. Even the always-bitten nails don’t detract from that.

I also like my eyebrows and the way they frame my eyes.

I love that despite being overweight and having a more broad/bulky body type, I have a very flexible body.

I’m also quite fond of my internal workings. It has its quirks, but on the whole it’s like my insides are made of reinforced steel and concrete. I hardly ever get sick, no real troublesome allergies (even my hay fever is usually mild), and it generally just behaves really well.

The ‘Real’ Shrink :D

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This afternoon I finally had another Gender appointment, after having been wait listed for almost a year. To recap; after getting the Gender Team referral last year, I saw a regular psychiatrist two or three times. Their job was to determine if I was in general mentally healthy and if there were maybe other underlying issues that would need dealing with first. They deemed me perfectly healthy and referred me on to the actual Gender Team. Then I waited.

And waited.

And waited.

And waited some more…

I knew the wait list was gonna be about eight months, but since eight months was, well, in March somewhere, I got worried. Eventually I called them in early May, I think, to ask. Turns out the wait list had grown in the mean time. At that point I was number 9 on The List, and the prognosis was that I would be seen before July. So I settled in and waited some more. May went, June came and as we got closer to the end of June without appointment letter, I started to doubt them.

But! Lo and behold, Friday June 21st came the letter informing me of my appointment. On Thursday the 20th…

After the weekend I called them to verify and turned out the desk people had made a tiny mistake and accidentally printed the date on which they wrote the letter instead of the actual appointment. The appointment was Thursday June 27. Which is today.

I’d gotten leave from work for the last few hours of the day so I could go. Nienke met up with me outside work aroud 14:30, where my Mom picked us up with the car. After an adventurous drive through the inner city, which is a total mess in renovations of road parts and so on, we reached the hospital’s psych building without trouble. Especially since it was the same place I’d been last year.

After checking in at the front desk we sat around and talked for a while until my ‘real’ psychiatrist showed up. We spoke for about an hour, most of it rehashing of what I’d discussed last year. How long have I been feeling this way, what do I want and basically how I approach life and such. It’s his job to determine if I’m serious about being transgender and wanting to transition, and if I can handle all the shit that comes with it. Luckily he didn’t foresee any problems. I will have to see him twice more, as three is the required minimum number. He said he didn’t think we’d need more sessions, so that’s looking good.

After the third session, if all goes well, he will then refer me on to the physical part of the Gender Team so we can get hormone therapy sorted. My next appointment isn’t until August (stupid holidays) but I’m hoping, based on how it went last year, to then have the third session in September, and appointment with the hormone people in October. So, fingers crossed!

Dates, Tricky Things

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Yesterday, when I came home from my singing lesson, I found a much wanted envelope on my doormat. It was from the hospital!

I eagerly ripped it open, expecting it to contain the date for my Gender Team appointment. And it did.

Except, something wasn’t right. Yesterday was Friday, June 21, and in the letter I was invited to come for my appointment on Thursday, June 20…

Obviously someone over there fucked up, either in making a typo in the date, or in when they sent it. I’ll give them a call today to see what’s up, hoping someone’s there today.

Stay tuned for more adventures in the land of Organisations That Don’t Have Their Things Sorted.