B
oth Mom and my new glasses had come in to the store, so today we went to pick them up. Dad also came along, as Mom has decided he, too, needs a new pair. Unfortunately, the store didn’t have room in their schedule for an eye check today, so they made an appointment to come back.
Then we went to HEMA for lunch, it’s kind of a tradition when we’re at the mall here, and did a bit of shopping. After which they dropped me off at work.
Today is my parent’s anniversary, they’ve been married for 43 years. I went to visit them this morning, brought some roses, too 🙂
I also got another confirmation of how awesome social media can be. I’ve been looking for this one book I read as a kid. For years, I couldn’t remember the title, so I would occasionally look online to see if I could identify it. It wasn’t until a few years ago that I struck gold and identified the book as Kind zonder naam by Anna Cool.
Unfortunately, it’s out of print, and despite checking book markets and second hand sites, I could never find it. Inspired by the story of Koos, I decided to give Facebook a try. So I posted the cover, and basically what I just wrote above here on my wall. Normally everything is sealed to just friends, but I made it public to facilitate sharing. Some friends shared it, my mom shared it, and from her wall, some of her friends shared it.
Later in the day, Mom commented saying that a friend of one of her friends might have it, she was going to check. And today, I heard that indeed that friend has it, and is willing to part with it. So I’m getting my book, after years of looking for it 😀
I’m ecstatic! It might be a week or two, though, before it gets here as Mom’s friend will be picking it up when she goes to see her friend, who lives elsewhere in the land. No matter, I can wait 🙂
The chain lock on my bike is going to hell on the fast track. I’ve already had a couple times I was worried I wouldn’t be able to get it to unlock. So this morning I borrowed Mom’s bike. I then, a little later in the morning, texted her to ask if she could go to the store for me and buy me a new one of the same type as my old one which I left in the shed as an example. She said ok.
This evening after work I headed over there to pick the new lock up. When I entered the courtyard at the back of their building, I found Monkey wandering there. He came running when he saw me, so I picked him up and took him inside. He was a bit squirmy so I figured I take the elevator instead of walking up. He didn’t like the elevator very much. Its a rather noisy one, so I ended up with some nailprints in my shoulders 😀
Upstairs I had to put him down for a bit while I unlocked my Parents’ door and he sniffed around a bit. Once inside, he meticulously explored every inch of the place, stopping every couple yards to meow loudly. Eventually, he settled down and decided the carpet was a good spot for a rest. Shortly after that, we left again. We managed to make him walk with me down the stairs, even though he wanted to sniff everything. I then carried him home.
I think the whole visit took maybe 20 minutes, but it was funny 😀
Did a bunch of movies this week, by myself and with others. Monday after work I went to see Edge of Tomorrow. It was a much better movie than I was expecting. I really like Full Metal Bitch and I didn’t even mind Tom Cruise in the movie 🙂
I also ordered tickets to go see War Horse with Mom. We’re going January 14!
Tuesday I finally went to see The Hundred-Year-Old Man Who Climbed Out the Window and Disappeared. The movie is hilarious! It’s been a long time since I laughed out loud at a movie that much. It’s been compared to Forest Gump, but it’s better than that. The titular character, Allan, gets put in a home when he blows up his hen house. Then on the day of his 100th birthday he decides to escape the coming party and attention and climbs out the window and walks off. As he goes to buy a bus ticket at the station, he gets asked to watch a suitcase for a minute and decides to walk off with it. It turns out the case is full of money. Criminal money. Cue an awesome road trip where he meets all kinds of people while being tracked and followed by the criminals that want their money back, interspersed with flashbacks to Allan’s long life where he experienced important events and met important people all the while being mostly oblivious to the importance of it.
Wednesday I had my shot again. Had it done in my arm because I still had some movies planned. Am never doing that again, though. My arm hurts like hell now still, and it’s Sunday. A quick Google has taught me that arm muscle is just not big enough. The way T. shots work is that the fluid bubble sits in your muscle and is slowly absorbed over the three weeks until the next shot. A leg muscle (or your ass 😀 ) is big enough to stretch around the fluid bubble, but arm just isn’t.
I also went to Bedum and Uithuizen with Mom to check for World of Warcraft Lego (Megabloks technically) at the Action
. Nico had seen it there, they had a big Stormwind Demolisher Set, a smaller Goblin Shredder (which I already have), about six or seven mounts+riders and eight single character figures with a small piece of scenery. They didn’t have all of them anymore, but I got a fair bunch
At the end of the afternoon I headed for the city to meet Gert. First we saw Grace of Monaco. It took me a while to get into but that’s mostly because I had the wrong idea and expectation beforehand. I’d seen trailers of the movie before, and that gave me the idea it was more a biopic of her life from marriage on and further. Until her death basically. But instead, it focuses on a specific period (early sixties) and shows how it was difficult for her to get used to life as Princess, torn between acting (Hitchcock offers her the lead in Marnie) and her family and duties, and how she could influence people, both behind the scenes, as well as the general populace. Once I figured that, the movie fell into place and things like pacing made sense.
Afterwards I had planned to go home, but we sat and talked for a while and decided on a whim to also see A Million Ways to Die in the West. I won’t dignify that movie with too many words. Suffice it to say that it is a stereotypical American comedy that runs on sex and poop jokes. The basic plot is fun, and there are occasional good, clever, jokes. So if it had been more of that, it would not have been so bad.
Thursday I also had the day off since I had to work yesterday. Nico was off early, so we decided to go see X-Men: Days of Future Past. It’s a good movie, I really liked that we got to see the merging of the old trilogy and these new films. Even though the timeline of the old trilogy is fairly effectively wiped by the events of this film, I like that they didn’t just go fingers-in-your-ears-it-doesn’t-exist-la-la-la-I-can’t-hear-you 😀
Back home, I finally ordered my theater tickets. As I said on Facebook, it cost me three organs and some change. But I have seven shows (in addition to the earlier mentioned War Horse) to go see in the new season two of which Mom will join me for.
Friday, after work, I spent the evening reading and avoiding football. Not very lucky with that as I sat in my bedroom with the window open so I could hear the whole street erupting every time we scored. And we scored a lot.
Then, yesterday. I had a late shift, which I can normally do at home. But I realised this too late and since Kim was also working, I came to Groningen. Got a message from Gert half way through, he was at the Action, did I need any more Lego? I was indeed missing some, so I had him take a picture and saw they had ones I didn’t have yet. He was so kind as to buy them and bring them to work for me. I took my break and met him at Starbucks. I had just enough time to get a drink and chat briefly, before having to head back.
Today I slept in, and just as I was gonna go to the Parents for Father’s Day, Mom rang the bell. Dad was out cycling, so she came to ask if I wanted to take a walk with her. I joined her, and then after went back to their place for coffee and merriment 🙂
Tomorrow is my Dad’s birthday, he turns 71. Sometimes it kinda scares me when I consider his age, and keeping in mind he has heart problems and an ICD. But everything is actually going really well, the meds are doing their thing, the ICD is doing its thing, so I expect to have him around for quite a while still 🙂
We celebrated today, because the weekend is easier. I gave him money for a present as he has said he would like a new bicycle. Together with the rest of his prezzies, he made a good start towards one 🙂 The day itself was the usual family gathering fun.
Friday and Saturday I watched a bunch of movies (Hancock, Mirror Mirror, Holes, Oz the Great and Wonderful, Robots, Epic) and hung around the house in chill mode. And tomorrow evening? Tomorrow evening I go to see Daniel Lohues at the theater with Mom.
So I did start Where’d You Go Bernadette on Thursday. And finished it, as well. It’s an easy read, and captivating enough that I wanted to keep going. It took a while to really get a feel for the book, but I was intrigued enough about Bernadette’s past, and I liked the narrator voice (her daughter, Bee) to keep at it. Because of the format of the book (short bits written by multiple characters (notes, letters, texts) narrated by one person) you get insights in all characters and shows that there’s always something behind everything. And most of the ‘bad guys’ are only trying to get through life just as everyone else. Everyone makes mistakes, so you might as well own up to it and try and fix it. Plus the ending is a hoot.
Also went to the thrift store on Thursday to find me a new dining chair. We’re getting rid of the rush seated ones cause the cats keep using it as a scratching post. Particularly Monkey, which leaves a mess on the floor. But, the other chairs, that actually go with the table I find terribly uncomfortable and wobbly, so I wanted a different one for me. Didn’t find any traditional ones, but found a glorious fabric upholstered one on wheels 😀 So I bought it and it now sits at the head of the table 😀
Saturday I went to the mall with the parents again. We had lunch at Hema and I bought some stuff for the house and for crafting. Sunday Ingrid came by. We watched movies (Frozen, Tangled) and played games. After she left, I ended the evening watching Frozen again and playing Warcraft.
Today at work, I assisted the Webcare people since they have workload and we don’t. I don’t mind at all, it can only be good for me in light of the job application. Playing more Warcraft tonight, working on leveling Aranthar to be my third level 90 and trying my best to level his main professions along with it, so I don’t have to keep going back.
Dad was diagnosed with severe heart failure earlier this month. After I’d joined the LifeLines project, I invited Mom and Dad to join as well. Mom did so fairly soon, but Dad didn’t until this year. While most of the results from his base line test were okay, the heart graph was off.
To figure out why, he had to go to the hospital where they did another heart graph, which was also off. So last week he had to come back again, this time for an ECG. Then they would have to come back about a week later for the results.
Halfway through the Mom called me (I was watching the dog) to tell me they’d be home later than planned, as the ECG wasn’t good and they would get results the same day instead of later. And indeed, after another doctor came to check on Dad, they brought in the cardiologist who informed them that Dad has heart failure. He was put on medications right away, has to be low active and eat a lot less salt, and had to stop smoking right away.
Last Monday they had to go to the Heart Clinic for a follow up appointment and check up to see how he was doing so far after a week on meds and new regimen.
So, it turns out Dad’s heart has a very low pumping rate, only about 30%, which is like half it should be. He’s getting four different types of medication now: a beta blocker, an ace inhibor, two different ones to help get rid of fluids and something to widen the arteries.
The beta blocker (iirc) has been increased slightly after Monday’s check, and I expect the rest of the meds to be increased and fine tuned over the next few months. So far Dad’s saying that he’s not noticing a lot, eiher good or bad, from the meds. I’m glad he’s not having any side effects (yet?), but I wonder if he should feel different anyway.
Although this could be, of course, because his activity level was low to begin with. So the missive to not do anything intensive is easy, in fact we kinda needed to push him occasionally to do go out and walk or cycle before this. The quitting sigarettes is harder. It went well for a few days but then Mom caught him with a fresh pack of tobacco. She yelled at him and hid the stuff. When I came over Monday to watch the dog again, I then got rid of it.
Mom got him nicotine tablets (afer consulting with the doctor) that he can use if the urge is strong. I’m thinking it’s also just habit for a great deal. He has his set moments where he would go for a smoke out in the garage and that’s his routine. Routines are hard to break.
The Parents were already considering moving house, but this news put that into a higher gear. The yard is really too big for them to properly maintain (and they’re getting kinda sick of the neighbourhood as well). Conveniently, the Housing Cooperation is building new senior appartments in a town nearby. They’d talked about this development before, but Dad vetoed it then. Now, he reconsidered, so Mom called the Housing Cooperation.
Turned out there was one place left, so they immediately signed up for it and were selected. It’s expected the appartments will be ready by next spring, although some sources are saying next January. Since Mom and Dad are the first tenants of the place, they get to pick out the bathroom tiles and what kind of kitchen cabinet doors they want. Dad’s not really into that sort of thing, so I helped Mom with the choices. Fortunately, we agreed on everything right away 🙂
As for the rest, it’s wait and see for now.
I realised I never posted a Dad picture for Father’s Day, while I have posted Mom (and not just this year). Shame on me. So here he is, picture taken last summer while we were on a bicycle ride. <3
(Frame is from my stash of scrapbook supplies and was made by Raspberry Road Designs)
After being quiet about the subject for quite a while I feel it’s time to start talking about gender again. And specifically mine. At first I wasn’t going to, at least not yet, but if I want this blog to be a real representation of my life, I need to incorporate this. And I find writing shit down (in addition to vocalizing to myself) helps me process things. Secondary to that, I hope this will make it easier on my friends, family and wider social circle (in a probably mostly vain hope that more than five people read this).
So, last time I spoke about my gender identity, which was March 2011, and before that (with more detail) December 2010, I mentioned how I was growing away from identifying as genderqueer (being beyond and both man and woman) to a more masculine identity. This process has continued, and not too long after the March post I realized the genderqueer moniker no longer fit at all. Woman was not a part of my gender identity. The older I get, and the more I let myself be the man I am in thought, and appearance, the more I realized I could no longer live in this body. At that point I started to seriously think about transitioning, and doing my research. Because, even with a real life example in my friend circle, everyone’s experience is different and my process will be different than his.
So, at that point I came out to myself as a transgender man.
I allowed myself to live with that (silent) label and to experience the feeling and as time went on, I felt so much more at peace on such a deep level. Even though I could (and can) still not look at myself, unclothed, either directly or in a mirror and am in denial of my body whenever I am not binding, I felt myself moving forward.
When the new year came around, I adopted my motto for this year ‘Just Do It‘ and decided now was the time to start taking practical steps. After all, the process of transitioning can take two, three years easily and I kinda want to be whole by the time I turn 30.
So, early January I went to my doctor and asked for a referral to the Gender Team at the UMCG. She was supportive and seemed to understand at least a little, and she went to make it happen. I would get a letter with my appointment date.
Later that week or early next I don’t quite remember, I received that letter. The appointment for intake was for February 24th, at 13:45. This also meant it was time to tell The Parents. While this was a very butterfly-stomach moment, it went well. They took it better than expected (granted, they were aware of the binder and some related shit so it couldn’t really have been a total surprise). Mom understands the whole thing a bit better than Dad does, but it will come.
I told Nienke the day I’d gone to my doctor for the referral. I told Eva and Ingrid during a game night at Eva’s place along with Jarig who was obviously also there, and Anneke and Julius who dropped by to dress up Ingrid 😀 I told Gert about a week and a half or so before the appointment. I wasn’t sure yet when and how to tell others, so I decided to keep it quiet for now.
I spent the month and a half I had to wait for the appointment being ecstatic and nerve-wracked (in a good way) at the same time. Finally the day came. I’d taken the day off work, and Mom offered to drive me. I really appreciated this, not just in the ‘thanks for the ride’ way, but also on a deeper level as a show of support and love. We got to the hospital plenty on time. After I registered at the front desk, we made our way to the relevant clinic where we sat and waited for twenty minutes or so.
Then the doctor showed up and I went with him. And then it turned out the referral hadn’t quite been processed right…
Yes, the doctor was part of the Gender Team, but he was the plastic surgeon… Not quite the one you need for the intake. So we did a quick history with a basic ‘this is how I feel‘ thing and some medical history and he then wrote a consult for his Gender Team colleague. So this means I will be getting a new letter, with a new appointment some time this week (I hope) and I get to do the giddy nervousness again. Especially since there’s no telling how soon the psych guy can fit me in. I hope it’s soon.
This ending is a bit abrupt, but I’ve been going on long enough now, and I don’t quite know how to knit a proper ending here. Plus I’ve been hovering over the publish button for the last five minutes deciding if I’m ready to put this out there. I hope this will lead to a more gradual coming out, versus having to suddenly go ‘hey everybody, listen up!’
June 2nd was my Dad’s birthday, he turned 68. The party was fun, a good time was had by all 🙂
Two days later I went for a walk at Lauwersoog with Eva, Nienke, Tessa (my dog) and Gregorius (Eva’s dog). It was a beautiful day, the sun was shining, there was a gentle breeze, we enjoyed ourselves, the dogs had fun. Then it got even better when Nienke tossed Gregorius’ fetching toy into a very, very tall tree… Eva and I watched her toss sticks at it for a while trying to get it to fall down. Eventually I joined in the throwing of sticks which led to success a couple minutes later when I hit the branch the toy was stuck on and it came down.
The day after that, I went to Verhildersum with Mom to go check out the Fabric Day. We saw awesome crafts, there was this huuuuge quilt in different purple fabrics, and a guy who makes little tin statuettes of people in historical dress. There was also a lot of felt work, both in felting things (making objects while one is felting the wool), as well as making things from felt fabric.
June 15 I went out for dinner at Pappa Joe’s with Eva, Nienke, Ingrid & Mellien. It was tasty, and nice to hang out with the full group. We crossed the street for awesome ice cream afterwards.
I joined Archive of Our Own, a fan fiction archive. So far I find it a more pleasurable interface compared to fanfiction.net, where I used to post. That has been a number of years though, and in the years between I’ve not spent a lot of time either reading or writing fan fiction. I’m slowly getting back into it. I reposted some of the works I wrote years ago of which I still think they’re good on A3O. The rest needs a rewrite. I’ll keep the originals up on ff.net, that way I’ll have a history and can later compare between versions and responses.
And in minor things, I rearranged my living room, baby-sat the dog for a day while the parents were off on the yearly Sibling Day (where mom and her siblings, plus partners, go out for a day) and we had an awesome! thunderstorm.