Growing Up

Growing Up?

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Gah! Can the heat stop one of these days?? I don’t mind summer, really, I quite like it, but the oppressive heat we’ve been having, no. *sighs*
Even with the storms of the last two or so days the heat won’t piss off 🙁

Bought a planter for my strawberries, they’re outgrowing the secondary pot I put them in after the nursery greenhouse. Filled it up with soil, now just need to transplant them. Might do that tomorrow morning if I’m up early enough (need to work in the afternoon) and the weather is cooperative.

Talked with Nienke about friendship tonight, how it developed and why it did so the way it did. Not just between her and me, but also the others from our little core group that goes back to high school. We concluded we’re all a bit weird and outside the box and that’s why we mesh so well.

Lately I keep thinking about owning a house. In itself this is nothing new, I do this regularly, in fact, I have a whole folder system on the computer with inspirational images from various interior blogs and websites (like apartment therapy for example), sorted on room. I’ve got colour schemes for the various rooms picked out and furniture placement ideas. You name it, I probably thought of it 😀

Except that now the thinking isn’t just making castles in the air, for a ‘later’ that is so far away it might never come. It’s getting more real, more realistic. Where the folder system is for a Big house with four bedrooms and an office and a library and nooks and crannies, my recent thoughts go towards a house that is a more realistic follow up to my current abode. Two bedrooms instead of the one I have now. A living room/kitchen big enough that I can place a proper dining table to sit at. A top floor that is reachable by regular stairs instead of a fold-down one. A garden that is actually mine, and more private than the current semi-shared space. And the thoughts are more towards owning a house, as opposed to renting. And I’m now actually considering what it would take to get to that point.

I know I most likely won’t be able to buy a house in the next few years, as getting a mortgage is not easy to get approved when you don’t have a solid contract. Add to that my in all likelihood continued singleness. Without another person with a solid job it’s even harder. So this dream will have to remain a dream for now, but I guess the thought process itself is a definite sign of yet another step in the process of growing up.

We’ve Talked the Whole Night Through

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Have been in a Classics mode for the last day or so. It started when I hooked up my regular monitor to my new laptop to experiment with a dual monitor setup. First I just had my music player/library on the screen. Then I figured I try playing movies as background. For some reason I ended up with the 1933 version of Little Women.

I’m a huge Little Women lover. Going way back to when I first read my mother’s copy when I was a kid. I’ve read my own copy multiple times and have seen  a number of versions of Little Women movies. The 1933 one, with Katherine Hepburn as Jo, was new for me though. Took a bit of getting used to the black and white-ness (I love to see the colours of the pretty dresses), but I think this version is my new favourite. I followed it, for good measure, with the 1994 version which has Winona Ryder as Jo and Susan Sarandon as Marmee. It was fun to see the differences in interpretation. And there were some things in the 1994 that weren’t in the 1933. And now I can’t remember exactly what was in the book in the first place, so I just pulled that from my shelves for yet another re-read 😀

After this foray into the 19th century, I figured I try some more classics. I’m not sure what it is that attracts me about it, but I  find I really love old American movies. Especially those really early ones where there’s a lot of singing and dancing. So I followed Little Women with Meet Me in St. Louis with Judy Garland. This one was completely new for me and it was much fun 😀 Some things are really weird when seen from the perspective of a 21st century person. Like the fixation on getting married and throwing away school and everything for it. At the end of the movie, both Judy Garland’s character, Esther, and her one year older sister are engaged and want to be married as soon as possible. At that time, Esther is 16ish (the mother mention at some point that she will be a senior in high school next year) and her sister 17ish (of which mother says she will graduate next year). A conversation between Esther and her fiance reveals that he is a high school graduate but much rather not go to college but work if that means they can get married sooner.

I didn’t like that ending very much because of this, but the rest of the story was very funny and the songs were nice. I ended today with Singin’ in the Rain which I hadn’t seen fully before. The story was fun, but sometimes confusing when I, most likely because I didn’t pay attention well enough, couldn’t quite figure out if a big number was taking place within the movie-movie (the movie they’re shooting in the movie) or outside the movie-movie.

So, now I’m in bed with my laptop (which is all Shiny! and New! and which I love 🙂 ) and my dear Monkey who’s obsessing about his own cleanliness. I suppose, taking the saying into account, he must really be divine 😀 That aside, I’ve been thinking about a lot of stuff lately. It’s all different things though and not always connected so kinda hard to really write down and get to the point with it. It’s part wishes and future dreams, part current things, both what I want to change and what I like, as well as past things, some regrets but mostly fond memories and some amusement at my own path of thought at times.

For the future, the thing that keeps coming back is how much I want that bookstore Nienke and I have been dreaming about for a few years now. It’s to be a sci-fi / fantasy related business with space for workshops and / or author talks and our private little heaven: a coffee corner WITH muffins 😀
Besides that, I keep thinking about my house. I live in a tiny house, and have lived here for about four years now. I also own rather a lot of stuff. And I keep thinking of wanting a house that’s a bit bigger, with just a tad more space. Unfortunately, both these things require more money than I currently have so it will have to wait. And financial tightness plus big dreams don’t always play nice together.

For the present, I’m starting to realise I kinda like my job. Which I hadn’t expected. And which I haven’t mentioned on here yet I think. I got hired by a major telecom/isp in early January as a customer service agent. So once again call centre work, but to my surprise I find I like it. The people are nice, the subject matter (the fibre glass department) is interesting enough, and I really like the location (right next to the train station). I’ve made it out the training floor and on to the proper work floor by now, got a supervisor and just this week had my first one-on-one with him to discuss my ambitions and what I will be focusing on this year and all such things. And I find I actually have ambitions for this job instead of just doing it. Which is not something I was expecting.

I’m also realising I really want a driver’s license, and a car. It’s getting more and more annoying that everything has to be done by public transport, especially taking my hip problem into account. Walking long distances just doesn’t work for me, and it really is a hindrance in going places. I’m well aware of the fact that loosing a good amount of weight would help a lot, and while I’m (slowly) working on that, it won’t magically improve right away. It’s mostly annoying in visiting friends. Visiting family works since I mostly do that together with my parents so we take their car. Visiting friends in the city goes better now too since I put my bicycle back in city-storage. Which leaves a particular friend out in the cold really. I haven’t been to see her at her place in over a year I think. And it is really bugging me, but she lives not too close to the train station. And while it may be a ten minute walk for most people, it’s a 20 minute one for me, and I can’t really do that.

But what I also can’t do very well is ask for help. Like coming out and saying I can’t walk that well enough, can you pick me up. I’m sure it’s some sort of pride issue since it’s a recurring thing. I don’t like to draw attention to the fact I can’t walk very well. I’m more the “not say anything and suffer in silence” kinda type, as evidenced by the Denmark school trip a few years ago. I got scolded by the tutors accompanying us for not having told them about the hip until we were half way through the trip and on the walk back to our hostel from a museum or landmark. And then they only found out because it was the end of a long day and I kept falling behind, attracting their attention which caused them to ask what was wrong. Same thing when I was studying in the UK and we went on a field trip up on a hill. And not a small one either. And I didn’t mention it until we were up on top… So yeah, I suck. And I’m aware of this but still I can’t seem to really change it. Although it’s a victory in itself that I’m writing this down now.

Finally, to close this off, as for the past, let’s just keep it at reminiscing is fun 😀 Even when thinking about moments that were hard, or harder than usual.

Night, night all )

Life at the Moment

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I’m doing it again, the blog hiatus thing*. Somehow I always manage to blog for a while and then I forget it again for an extended period of time. It gets quite annoying really and it also kinda pisses me off, even though I probably have zero readers :S

*This is an import from the LiveJournal. There I had a gap between July and November.

Anyway, my life is in a bit of turmoil at this point. I no longer have a right to government study financing (you can only get that for 7 years max) so I’m kinda out of money 😀 So i’ve been looking for a job. I’ve always avoided that while I was studying, I was really enjoying my carefree student days where school was the only thing to worry about and I had loads of free time. Add to that that I never really figured out what I want anyway (leading to various studies that never really became anything :S)

I can’t avoid it any longer though and am currently in a process that looks promising enough. There’s a test coming Monday and if that goes well an interview and if that goes well I have a job at customer service for the government agency that handles unemployment benefits and find-a-job processes and such (UWV, for the dutchies). This would be a lovely opportunity as it is a definite 2-3 year job for 24-32 hours a week, leaving me plenty of time to figure out what I want and where I’m going.

As I’m going through this whole process of looking for a job, I noticed I’m suddenly making a little leap in my maturation process. Before, I was really dreading the idea of entering the working world and it was even making me feel somewhat depressed. Combined with my introvertness and less-than-stellar social skills, I started the job-hunting process purposefully sabotaging myself on occasion. Postponing responding to something “just one more day” since “it’s already 4 and they won’t read it until tomorrow anyway”.

Now, however, I find that I’m actually looking forward to getting a job and entering working life and building some structure and routine into my existence… It was quite baffling to me 😀

So we’ll see how this test thing goes, the brochure gave some examples and based on that (it is aimed at people of an educational level somewhat below mine) it shouldn’t be too difficult. And if prepare myself before hand, I can prep myself enough that the interview shouldn’t be too difficult either. So, fingers crossed X.

Oh, and btw, I have a big book update scheduled for tomorrow ’cause I’ve read a lot more since the last update posted 🙂