Me

Fun Day

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IMG-20140813-WA0007Today I picked up my new ID card, it is very pretty šŸ˜€

In the evening I went to the city to meet up with Nienke and Ingrid at Subway for food, and then on to the cinema for the first of Ingrid’s presents. My bus was late, so I ended up being a bit late, too. Fortunately we had enough time, but they were already done eating.Ā While I was eating my sub, Gert called. Nienke was so kind to answer, and the whole thing ended with Gert also coming along to come see the movie, Begin Again, also šŸ˜€

I really liked the movie, it’s an ucomplicated romcom with good actors and a fun story. Ruffalo and Knightlet play off Ā each other well, the city and scenery is used well, and the other characters are well developed enough to round out the film. Plus, the music is pretty good.

 

[PBP] C is for Colours

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A cursory Google search on colour meanings and how to incorporate them in your practice as Pagan will give you thousands of results. The meanings are often similar, but never quite 100% the same. This is because, like almost everything, the meaning behind a colour is an interpretation. Due to how we’re wired, and in which culture we’re raised, some interpretations will overlap or be the same. And so, Ā over time, these interpretations become fact. Become dogma.

In the beginning of my journey, I would compile pages and pages of correspondences. ListsĀ of colours, animals, herbs, moon phases, trees, rocks, you name it I probably had a list. And that list would tell me the meaning, and how I could best use it within my practice. In actual practice, I hardly ever used those lists. And as I’ve grown I’ve come to realise that many of these correspondences are not so set in stone. Especially for things like colours the vibe it gives you is much more important. That vibe may very well match a listedĀ meaning, but it can also be drastically different. And that is okay.

I am predominantly a visual person. Colours, therefore, are especially important to me. I fall for vibrancy and rich colours. And I enjoy seeing the millions of gradients and tones one can find in nature (especially autumn). This means, for my practice, that I associate colours with nature-related things first, and from that come the vibes I get. And some differ depending on context. Light blue, for exampe, is both a deadly cold and a pleasant summer breeze, depending on context-colours and the shade of light blue. All this to say that the below list is what I associate each colour with.

White Snow and ice, winter. Silence. Crispy coldness. Clean, cleansing, purifying. Solidifying (water turns to snow).
Black Darkness. Enclosure, holding securely. Hiding, keeping things hidden, safe. But also, keeping others/other things out.
Grey Overcast, stormy weather, hard rain. Desolation, emptiness, nothingness, the void.
Brown Earth, ground. Steadfast, unmovable. But when it does move, destructive potential. Loving parent, comfort, nurturing, healing.
Yellow Sun. Heat. A tendency to overdo warmth and turn it into oppression.
Yellow-Orange Sun. Summer. Fruit. Fresh summer-warmth.
Orange Loud. Attention seeking. Passionate about things.
Red Enduring warmth. Embrace, hug. Enduring love (for family, friends, partner, random people, aka all forms of love).
Dark Red Blood. Life. Strength. Power.
Rose Delicate. Old. Tenderness. Old love (people from the past). Romance.
Pink New love. Passion, lust.
Lilac Early summer. Flowery. Fleeting. Temporary things.
Purple Stature, elegance, grace. Sophistication, intelligence, wisdom. Learning, teaching, seeking.
Dark Blue Lakes, seas. Expansive, go with the flow, you can’t go against it anyway. Deep sea, hidden, secrets.
Blue Rushing rivers and waterfalls: temperamental, quick, deceptive.
Light Blue Light skies, summer rain. Refreshing, cool.
Blue-Grey Winter skies, icy cold, can turn dangerous quickly.
Blue-Green Tropical shallow oceans. Calm, clear, relaxing. opening up.
Light Green Early spring. Young, new, fresh. Not yet fully grown, child or child-like.
Green Spring. Youth, growing up. Growth, evolving. Discovery, journey, travel.
Dark Green Deep, old, forest. History, looking back.

Glorious Red Tape

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Yesterday, my gender statement came in the mail. This is the declaration from the people at the hospital that I am sure of my gender identity and unlikely to change my mind. With it, I can have my name and gender marker officially, legally, changed.

Since they make the changes on the birth certificate, it means I have to go to Groningen for it, as that is where I was born. So, this morning, Mom and I drove to the cityĀ to see a man about a horse a city hall person about a birth certificate. I drew a number, we sat down to wait, and wait, and wait.

Once it was my turn, it went fairly fast. The lady had to look up how exactly to do it, as the procedure is fairly new. She then changed the gender marker, and entered my new names. Before, I had two names, after both my grandmothers. Now, I chose to keep the name my parents would have given me had I been born “right”. These are after both my grandfathers. However, since my mother is also named after her father, I felt I also needed to incorporate Dad’s name. So I added his name as an extra middle name. Leaving me, very fancy, with three names šŸ˜€

The changes are then pushed through the system so they also reached my current county’s administration. Once that is done, I can apply for a new ID card šŸ˜€

[PBP] B is for Bast

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Gayer-Anderson Cat, British Museum. Made of Bronze, from the Late Period about 664-332 BC.

Gayer-Anderson Cat. Made out of bronze, from the Late Period about 664-332 BC. SheĀ wears jewellery with the divine eye of Ra and Heru and a Wadjet amulet, signs of Ā just retribution. The sculpture is located in the British Museum.Ā Photo Source: Wikipedia (user Oxyman)

Bast is the Goddess known to many as the cat-headed patron Goddess of cats. While this is sort of true, she is much more than that.

Worshipped in Lower Egypt nearly 5000 years ago she is a daughter of Ra. As such, she is a Sun Goddess, and serves as a warrior and protector in his name, and as such carries the title of The Eye of Ra. Her name’s meaning is uncertain. But because the b3s-soundĀ is written with the hieroglyph of an ointment jar, it most likely meant “She of the Ointment Jar”. She is also associated with protective ointments.

Back then, she was displayed with a lion’s head, just as Sekhmet, a similar Goddess in Upper Egypt. After the unification of both Egypts, one would expect these deities to merge, as that is what usually happened in such cases. Both taking on elements of the other. But in this case, both Goddesses were strongly rooted and had many worshippers, so they started to diverge. It also didn’t help that Lower Egypt had lost many a conflict between them and Upper Egypt and as such also lost in influence.

So around the first millemium, Bast became associated also with domestic cats, who were revered for their hunting abilities that kept food storages safe and vermin at bay, but were seen as less fierce than lions. Her images depicted her now more often with the head of a cat instead of a lioness. The nurture and care mother cats show their young also slowly turned Bast fromĀ a Warrior Goddess into more of a Mother Goddess type. Still very protective but in a different way. Now she not only protects the pharaoh, but also children, and mothers. Which in turn, and probably helped by the fertility of cats in general, lead to Ā her being seen as a fertility Goddess as well.Ā Eventually, when the Greek influence in Egypt grew, her transformation became complete, as she was now mostly seen as a lunar Goddess instead of solar as they associated her with Artemis, the huntress.

While she was revered in many places (like Memphis, Heliopolis, Denderah, Sais and so on), her main center of worship was Per-Bast, or in its more commonly known Greek form, Bubastis (modern day Tell Basta). It is located in the Nile Delta, about 80 km north east of Cairo. This is where her temple stood, described by Herodotus as a majestic square building on an island in the middle of the city, lower than the rest so one could look inside to see the grove of trees encircling the shrine itself.

Her festival was celebrated at Per-Bast, but also at other cities like Memphis, Thebes and Esna. Herodotus describes it as many men and women (some 700.000) coming to the city in ships. The women sing, dance and shake their sistra (a rattler-like instrument)Ā along the way, there are many sacrifices and a lot of drunken revelry. This was apparently customary for Deity festivals, as the same is known for others šŸ™‚

In later times Bast is regarded as the mother of Maahes Ā (also known as Mihos or Miysis in Greek) with Ptah being the father.

Bast is also often referred to these days as Bastet. This, however, is merely another spelling, and not another pronunciation. During the New Kingdom, the -t at the end of words tended to vanish from speech. To emphasise when it was to be spoken, an extra -t was often added. And that generally comes with an extra vowel as well. So Bastet is just Bast.

For me personally, I have always been drawn to cats. Which only grew after I finally had my own after I moved out. At first I started worshipping Bast in honour of cats. But as I learned more about her, I became more invested. I turn to her for strength and protection and I honour her by giving her a revered place on my Altar and showing respect to her creatures.

SourcesĀ 

S.D. Cass. All About Bast. www.per-bast.org/bast/historical.html

C. Scott Littleton, ed.Ā Mythologie, een geƍllustreerde geschiedenis van mythen en verhalen uit de hele wereld.Ā 9789057643378

Herodotus.Ā Found referenced in all other sources.

Wikipedia (even though they insist on Bastet).Ā http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bastet

Encyclopedia Mythica.Ā www.pantheon.org

Knowledge gained over the years of education and general reading.

Tick Boxes

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Today I discovered sugar buns šŸ˜€ I already knew (and love!) Frisian sugarbread, but today I went with Kim to the supermarket during lunchbreak and there they had sugar buns instead of a whole loaf. The textureĀ is the same as the bread, but it has the typical top layer of a bun. The sugar is mostly in the bottom part and along the edges. I bought some small packets of butter to go with it and had these, later on the day, for dinner. They are glorious!

Tomorrow I have my second actual appointment with LifeLines. After the original intake a little over four years ago (may 2010) I have done a couple questionnaires, but this is the first come back appointment where they will retake blood and measure things and so on. Tonight I realised I’d forgotten to fill in the digital questionnaire they included with the appointment e-mail. Since it has to be done before the appointment, I quickly wrestled through it. I usually hate them since they are often unclear in their questions, and I find many hard to answer. The typical questionnaire has sections for what you’ve eaten the past 4 weeks and their intervals are kinda sucky as they go from 2-3 days a month to 1-2 days a week which is a different kind of measurement to the similar 4-10 days a month.

My eating habits are fairly irregular, so for me an answer like 4-10 days a month is much more likely than 1-2 days a week. Take those vitamin yoghurt thingies. I buy them occasionally, in six-pack. And since I share that with Nienke, it means I get three. I then drink those on three consecutive days. Then I might not buy another for two or three weeks. Then, when I do buy another, it’s another three consecutive days. So all in all I’ve had them 6 days a month, but not 1-2 days a week.

I give that same feedback on the questionnaires every time, but I’ve never seen a change. Ah well, one can always hope.

And another thing that pissed me off: my gender. The first page is always double check info. So I re-enter my date of birth, my gender and my weight. However, when I chose Man, I got an error message saying it didn’t match the previous entry (from 2010) and I should check my answer. In itself a valid thing, if you make a typo or a misclick, it’s good they force you to recheck. However, I could not progress past this page of the questionnaire unless I changed that answer. Eventually I did, I do want to give them all the data they need, but they will be getting a talking to, tomorrow.

I had already asked them to change my initials and gender when I mailed them a few months ago to change my address. I got a nice mail back saying it was changed. And the e-mail I got was nicely addressed with the right initial. But it still sad Mrs. *sigh*

It’s almost August. It’s almost August.

And a bonus: the hardships I have to endure when I want to type things šŸ˜€

Lapcat

People on Holidays and a Schoolyear

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Into the city today with the Mom šŸ˜€ First I had to go see the medical social worker again as one of the required parts of transitioning. Most people see her regularly, but I saw her last in January. We’d agreed then that I would contact her around March for a follow-up but I forgot and when I did remember it wasn’t a priority for me as I don’t feel the need. Everything is going quite splendid.

But in May I finally mailed her, and then she maybe lost it or something as I never heard back. On itself not a problem, at least I could say I did my part. But as July came around and the new law about name and gender change came into effect, I needed some form of contact to figure out what to do to get the needed statement. So I mailed again, and now I got a response and we set a meeting for today. And she referred me to another person for the paperwork.

When I mailed that person, I got the auto-mailer informing me they were on holiday but here’s a link with info. Which was nice as I learned how it works. The piece of paper is ā‚¬65 *gasp*. And if you haven’t been in to see a psych or the social worker in the last six months, they consider you no longer in active treatment and then you have to pay another ā‚¬250 for a consult… o.O So I was particularly glad I had set that appointment as January is about six months ago…

Anyway, it was a nice chat, took an hour just as before. And also just as before I am a well-adjusted, grounded person with a well developed sense of self and such. I have no problems she can help me with and I feel excellent.Ā With an agreement to contact again after I have an appointment with the Plastics dude (if all goes well I get a referral in August), I left.

Before that, at the end, we spoke briefly about the name/gender change and the paperwork and she put me on the list, which saves me an extra phone call later this week. Unfortunately, not only is the admin person on holiday, so are both the psychiatrists who are vetted to give the required statement… Which is kind of embarrassing for the gender team, and means it will be August before they get around to work down the list. I hope they hurry up then, I need my data changed, especially seeing as how I’ve finally decided on the how and what of going back to school.

Yes, I have šŸ˜€ I have been searching for what to do in regards to learning for quite a while now. I wanted to do another university level thing because, even though I rationally know HBO is also very good and offers many options, I’ve done a university BA and half of a Master’s before. And it would feel sort of like settling if I didn’t do it again. Problem then was, what and where. I realised pretty quickly that a regular BA wouldn’t work, what with the new laws regarding how fast you have to do things I can’t squeeze that in to my life after working 36 hours a week. So part-time it had to be, however the official part-time options Groningen offers kind of suck. And what I do like and is available part-time, is all in Amsterdam and such and therefore not doable in terms of travel.

But last week my brain remembered the thing that is the Open University. An accredited university that offers distance learning, lots of online/digital stuff with,if so desired, the option for contact hours and more guidance. So I looked at their offerings and saw individual classes that I liked and then I stumbled upon the Bachelor’s program for Cultural Sciences (Algemene Cultuurwetenschappen). After reading it through, I realised it matches my interests very much, and is also a program with a lot of options for customising. So, I have decided to enroll. However, I first need my name and gender changed to have as little confusion as possible and no issues later on with names on certificates and diplomas.

Oh, and after my appointment, Mom and I then went on to the mall for a wee bit of shopping. Bought some books, some fake flowers and a mail holder for Nienke and we stopped for a late lunch. We had a good time šŸ™‚

[PBP] A is for Altar

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2003-12-13mamaaardeMy Altar has always been my most visible ‘thing’ of my paganism. When I started out on this path in my teens with Cunningham’s Wicca for the Solitary Practitioner, all swept up by the storybook feel of what Wicca was, buoyed by TV shows like Charmed and the whole Wicca-for-Teens thing that started showing up in books, I was very focused on the magic and the ritual parts. That mainly showed in a lot of reading and gathering of info from various books and websites and not much actual practice. However, The Books dictated I should have an Altar, so I did. I set it up as it should, according to the books, with representation for the elements and the God and the Goddess and so on. But it was mainly just something that I should have, not something that directly connected with me.



As time went on, and I grew comfortable with my path and what I felt, what I needed and what I wanted, Wicca mostly fell by the wayside. I’ll always retain some things, purely because it was the first thing I learned, but I have grown into my own. Polytheistic versus just the God and the Goddess, and more emphasis on spiritual practice versus magic/witchcraft and ritual. I occasionally do spellwork or a small ritual thing here or there, but my main expression these days is internal and silent. And as that has evolved, so did my feelings toward, and connection with, an Altar. It started to pull me in.


In high school I had made this big clay statue of a (hugely!) pregnant woman: Mother Earth. She was the first thing that resonated with me, and so I built a devotional space around her. That started still in my teens, and that is what the picture shows. Mother Earth safelyĀ inside the cupboard, with a nature image in the frame before her. And to the left behind me you can see, vaguely, a jar. It has sand in it, and feathers stuck in that.


Over time, I added more items that meant something to me, versus items that I was ‘supposed to have’ . And with every item, Altar, as a concept, became a part of me. And the moreĀ that happened, the more theĀ appearances changed, and so on. The rules-and-regulations approach got replaced by one based on intuition and feeling, especially as I started to incorporate more mind-stuff into it (meditation, general mindfulness), culminating in the present day with the entire top of the dresser in my bedroom dedicated to my faith (and my craft, even though I use it little).


1654243_10151936641028155_221143015_nI wish to build a connected universe in my Altar. So the base of it is formed by a goat skin (which I found at Ikea, of all places, but my wallet liked it šŸ˜€ ). On top are signifiers for the elements, which is something that originates in my Wicca beginnings, but fits very well in my nature-based approach. There’s three bowls, for the three realms of Earth, Sea and Sky, but also for the elements of Earth, Water and Air. The Earth bowl is light green and filled with rocks, a pinecone, a fossil, a (fake) spider and such. The Water bowl is light blue and filled with shells. The Air bowl is light grey and filled with a glass sphere with air bubbles inside, and feathers. For Fire there are candles. Beyond that I have variable things there, like egg-shaped rocks, postcards featuring Mucha art depicting Spring as young women, and spring candles (bright green and yellow) that I placed there this spring. And when I tweak the Altar for summer (probably next week), I will replace the eggs and postcards and candles with different things, depending on what feels right. Probably, though, the green candle will be replaced by an orange one. And there will be flowers on it more often and so on, all through the seasons.


Next to that I also have statuettes/figurines of those deities that are special to me, and whom I worship. These are Bast, Egyptian Goddess of, among other things, Cats; and Athena, Greek Goddess of Ā Wisdom and War. Both will get their own post in this project, although poor Athena will have to wait for next year. I will post a new picture of the Altar once I’ve changed it, but here’s a somewhat recent one I already posted back in February when I changed my bedroom. This was before my new dresser so everything is much smaller.

	
	

		
				
			

			
	
[PBP] Intro + Index



	
		
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The Pagan Blog Project is a way to reflect and share your beliefs and insights and so on. Officially you start in January and do each letter of the alphabet twice to precisely fill up each week. Since I’m lazy and not good with schedules, I’m only doing one letter every two weeks.


The list here is my current list of topics, but they might be subject to change if in any given week the mood strikes me to write about something else.


    

  • A is for Altar
    • 

  • B is for Bast
    • 

  • C is for Colours
    • 

  • D is for Divination
    • 

  • E is for Eostre and other Holidays
    • 

  • F is for Fall
    • 

  • G is for Gaia
    • 

  • HĀ is for Holy Spaces
    • 

  • IĀ is for Intuition
    • 

  • JĀ is for Journey
    • 

  • KĀ is for ‘Karma’
    • 

  • LĀ is for Labyrinths
    • 

  • MĀ is for Meditation, Mandala’s and Music
    • 

  • NĀ is for North
    • 

  • OĀ is for Offerings
    • 

  • PĀ is for Polytheist
    • 

  • QĀ is for Quietness
    • 

  • RĀ is for Ritual
    • 

  • SĀ is for Spring and Summer
    • 

  • TĀ is for Teachings and Tales
    • 

  • UĀ is for Unlearning
    • 

  • VĀ is for Voice
    • 

  • WĀ is for Winter
    • 

  • XĀ is for…
    • 

  • YĀ is for ‘Yin-Yang’
    • 

  • ZĀ is for Zodiac
    • 



 

	
	

		
				
			

			
	
Captain Colour



	
		
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Right, so I’m part of a pen pal club, the League of Extraordinary Pen Pals. And every month there’s a newsletter with, among other things, a member spsotlight. And a little while ago Julie, one of the fearless leaders of the club, approached me if I wanted to be it for this July’s newsletter. Of course I said yes šŸ™‚


The kicker? It comes with a portrait drawing šŸ˜€ In the club we all have a superhero name, and mine is Captain Colour. So after sending in my interview answers, and give some colour choices, here’s my fabulous portrait by the talented Ciara Barsotti.


Captain Colour by Ciara Barsotti


 


For completeness, the interview.


Why are you called Captain Colour?


I’m a very visual person, I love visual texture and most of all colours and how they work. Like looking at a painting up close and seeing all the brush strokes and the different pigments and the relief of the paint on the canvas and then as you walk further back it smooths out and becomes a recognisable image. Colour is so versatile a colour change can change the mood and atmosphere of something completely. Paint a wall in a room red, and the vibe will be completely different than if you painted it blue, or green or… or… I also love to colour things. Both in doing paintings and drawings but also colouring books. And I love rainbows, too. But Captain Rainbow didn’t quite have the same ring to it šŸ˜€


What are your superhero penpal strengths?


I’m always decorating the stationery and envelope, especially with stickers. I like it when the recipients not only have something fun to read, but also to look at. I sometimes try to match the decorating to what I think my pal will like. But I do more often tend to go with just what I like, and hope my pal will like it, too. It’s an addition to the letter, another way to get to know me and who I am and what I like.


What is your superhero kryptonite?


Stickers! And pretty paper in all shapes and sizes and textures. And colouring books. Especially those Dover historic ones like time periods, or period fashions.


Do you use any special weapons while fighting crime?


Pens. A whole belt of pointy pens, ready to throw at any criminal crossing my path. Plus a surplus of ribbon and string to tie them up.


Who is your arch-nemesis and why?


Time. I never have enough time for all the things I want to do. Plus I’m somewhat of a procrastinator, too. Which is so not an ideal combination :S


What does your superhero lair look like?


Big, with lots of nooks and crannies and oodles of built in storage. Shelves, drawers, baskets, all neatly labelled and sorted. Several tables for all different kinds of projects and windows looking out all around over fields and wide landscapes. *dreams on*


In real life, though, my lair is a still fairly large room, with shelves and drawers holding all my crafty stuff. Book shelves for the non-fiction and reference books (fiction lives in the living room), a work table where I write letters and do crafts and where my laptop usually lives so also the place I write other things and play games and so on. There’s another (old) table for projects that are at risk of damaging the furniture like modding water/toy guns into steampunk/scifi things and so on.


How do you relax after a long day of saving the world?


Books mainly, they are my life’s blood. Other than that, cuddling my cats šŸ™‚ Also making/editing things or playing games on the iPad and the computer.


What kind of penpal are you?


A somewhat slow one. Referring back to my arch-nemesis above, I try to reply speedily, but there will often be a few weeks in between receiving a letter and having a reply ready to mail out. I want to stress, though, this does not mean I don’t want to write anymore, or don’t like you, I’m just not that fast šŸ™‚ Once we’re corresponding, though, I am loyal. It might take me a while to reply, but I will reply.


Are you open to new superhero penpals? If so, what types & how can they reach you?


I’m always open to new pals, as long as they keep the above in mind šŸ™‚ I am in the database with my interests (they are legion but include books, cats, scifi/fantasy, geeky stuff, mythology, language, nature/animals, spirituality, sociology, tv/movies and so on) and I also have a postable (www.postable.com/erikmulder)


In your opinion, what is the best thing about being part of the League of Extraordinary Penpals?


I love the inclusiveness. We accept each other’s quirks and oddities and we’re always there for each other in good times and bad. Plus we don’t make fun of our members for what they do and like. specially as a dude, often people look at you funny when you say you like crafting and making pretty things and so on. But here, it is embraced, and I think it shows in the influx of more guys into our ranks. So keep being awesome everyone!